Yeow! Curiouser and curiouser, Nathan. I was wondering how you would get back to the stone by the last paragraph. Close call. Also, may I suggest you not even think about being erratic? Write what you want, when you want. Your loyal readers are not going anywhere. We're in!
I love the idea of this draft that can’t be plugged and how you use it to foreshadow their marital troubles. “We filled it in, an act that brought its own small victory. But, like with our marriage, soon another crack made itself known, this time at the bottom of the wall near the skirting.”
So good, Nathan. Everything: words, prose, plot, anticipation. Please, make it last as long as possible. This is such a delight. And the end, wow. What a cliffhanger. Awesome job. 👌🏻
Thank you, Silvio! I really appreciate your thoughts and being here reading this. The end is a few parts away, I think, but we shall see how long until that inevitability rolls around.
Like Alexander I like the transition from the shop to his past. The flash back is like a dream or, perhaps more accurately a nightmare, that is haunting him as he tries to figure out what to do about the stone
Really enjoying this. Will go back and read it as one once it’s all complete 👍🏼
So, I read this instalment first and then went back to the previous ones. I, like you, think about the nature of serialising fiction in my own work. I guess the thing I come back to is that I hope there is something just in the writing, rather than the story, that readers starting late in the series like, that makes them stay for the story, and then go back to the beginning to bring themselves up to speed. And that from that point, it becomes a different experience for the reader as the story and the writing become more wedded. And, that’s what happened here. It’s a bit like magic
“A gust of wind fled through the street, dust eddies whipped up in its wake. The cool of the air teased me, teased me like it always had…” I like the transition from the wind to the cracks, literal and metaphorical. We get a bit of exposition about the couple’s past and their troubles, setting things up for the climax, I wager.
"Other times her eyes would be open, to follow me around the room like a portrait on a wall, her cheeks wet with tears; in those moments, it would be her mouth that remained shut." -- Love this!
All the writing in this story is phenomenal. The plot vaguely reminds me of House of Leaves (which I never finished) but your writing just draws me in, by giving so little at a time it makes me want to know everything. Looking forward to reading more!
I keep thinking I might pick it up again but I’m probably deceiving myself (ironic). The beginning was just too slow & meandering for me. Seems like that that’s the appeal for others but Idk, it didn’t hit for me.
There is so much I love about this Nathan, from “A gust of wind fled through the street, dust eddies whipped up in its wake. The cool of the air teased me, teased me like it always had…” to “air doesn’t decide where it goes” somehow you’ve squeezed in the happenings of year between those two sentences and still left me trapped in intrigue and an ‘I can’t wait for the next episode’ feeling..!
Wonderful writing, filled with clever metaphors and implications… love love love..!
I love love this metaphor of the seeping cold for something difficult to find in the crack of a marriage. What a cool idea (literally!). Gorgeous, haunting prose, Nathan.
Also, I like the erratic nature of your posts. It feels like a puzzle. Sometimes, I feel like a slave to regularity.
I am blown away by how we got this full, heavy, fraught glimpse of their marriage in such a short space of words all occurring in a bathroom. Really well done. Looking forward to the next installment whenever it’s ready to make its appearance!
Thank you, Stephanie. I so appreciate your thoughts. It's been a good process for me to try and see how I can compress things into a short space. I still worry I'm becoming a little one-trick by focusing on relationships across my writing, but ... well, I guess I'll see how it all turns out. 😆
I think that’s common with writers though - we keep coming back to the same themes, circling/spiraling in toward them, maybe getting closer to the core of the thing in half lives.
Yes, serialization is tough, Nathan. But I think, though we may not garner a large audience, it's worth doing here on Substack, and we'll both see how this comes out, if we garner readers of creative work written as this one is, straight from the heart.
Thank you so much, Mary. That's a lovely comment and yes, I'm co.pletely behind that. Fiction (in relative terms) seems quite small here still, but it's lovely to see the community that is emerging.
I love the gust of wind transitioning from present moment to past, the wind then being as familiar as now. So much sadness and weariness between the couple, something clearly not quite right, so beautifully and poignantly written.
This has become a movie in my mind, Nathan. I don't know any better way to put it. Absolutely fabulous in every way.
Thanks so much, Jim! That makes me very happy to know.
Nathan I just love these lines~
“….her voice carrying the edge of a dream.”
“…her eyes would be open, to follow me around the room like a portrait on a wall…”
“A gust of wind fled through the street, dust eddies whipped up in its wake. The cool of the air teased me, teased me like it always had…”
Sometimes there are no defining words. It is more than that . They move me.
“…she could Feel closer to the earth knowing that air had chosen to find its way into the house.”
Now this means something. I’m waiting patiently to find out. I can’t help thinking, many a good mystery, starts and ends in the bathroom.
Please, “dart around“ .
I promise to keep pace.
Aw, thanks Lor. I so appreciate it, especially these highlighted phrases. I'm smiling at "many a good mystery starts and ends in the bathroom." 😉
Yeow! Curiouser and curiouser, Nathan. I was wondering how you would get back to the stone by the last paragraph. Close call. Also, may I suggest you not even think about being erratic? Write what you want, when you want. Your loyal readers are not going anywhere. We're in!
Really appreciate that, Sharron, thank you. 🙏
I love the idea of this draft that can’t be plugged and how you use it to foreshadow their marital troubles. “We filled it in, an act that brought its own small victory. But, like with our marriage, soon another crack made itself known, this time at the bottom of the wall near the skirting.”
Thanks, Ben. This was one of those things that just sort of appeared by itself as I was writing. :)
Those are the best kind.
So good, Nathan. Everything: words, prose, plot, anticipation. Please, make it last as long as possible. This is such a delight. And the end, wow. What a cliffhanger. Awesome job. 👌🏻
Thank you, Silvio! I really appreciate your thoughts and being here reading this. The end is a few parts away, I think, but we shall see how long until that inevitability rolls around.
Brilliantly done, Nathan 👏
Like Alexander I like the transition from the shop to his past. The flash back is like a dream or, perhaps more accurately a nightmare, that is haunting him as he tries to figure out what to do about the stone
Really enjoying this. Will go back and read it as one once it’s all complete 👍🏼
Thanks so much, Dan. Glad you're still here for the ride.
Hey man, hope you’re good.
So, I read this instalment first and then went back to the previous ones. I, like you, think about the nature of serialising fiction in my own work. I guess the thing I come back to is that I hope there is something just in the writing, rather than the story, that readers starting late in the series like, that makes them stay for the story, and then go back to the beginning to bring themselves up to speed. And that from that point, it becomes a different experience for the reader as the story and the writing become more wedded. And, that’s what happened here. It’s a bit like magic
That's so lovely to know, Nicolas. Thanks so much. I really appreciate it.
“A gust of wind fled through the street, dust eddies whipped up in its wake. The cool of the air teased me, teased me like it always had…” I like the transition from the wind to the cracks, literal and metaphorical. We get a bit of exposition about the couple’s past and their troubles, setting things up for the climax, I wager.
Yes, heading that way indeed. Thanks, Alexander. Wasn't the easiest trying to find a smooth-ish transition, so hopefully it worked.
I would say it did. For the impatient reader it may have worked too well.. ;)
Ah, a cliffhanger. Well played, Sir. Just out of interest, do YOU know what comes next?It feels like the story is writing you.
Thanks, Terry.
Good question!
In this instance, I actually do! (Most often that's not the case for me!)
But I did turn the page and so here we are. I dread the next part.
Haha, yay.
"Other times her eyes would be open, to follow me around the room like a portrait on a wall, her cheeks wet with tears; in those moments, it would be her mouth that remained shut." -- Love this!
All the writing in this story is phenomenal. The plot vaguely reminds me of House of Leaves (which I never finished) but your writing just draws me in, by giving so little at a time it makes me want to know everything. Looking forward to reading more!
Thanks so much, Vanessa, that’s a lovely comment.
Ahh, HoL, great book, but very mysterious and labyrinthine. I just let myself go with it and let the pages wash over me.
I keep thinking I might pick it up again but I’m probably deceiving myself (ironic). The beginning was just too slow & meandering for me. Seems like that that’s the appeal for others but Idk, it didn’t hit for me.
Yeah, fair enough for sure. It's definitely not for everyone.
There is so much I love about this Nathan, from “A gust of wind fled through the street, dust eddies whipped up in its wake. The cool of the air teased me, teased me like it always had…” to “air doesn’t decide where it goes” somehow you’ve squeezed in the happenings of year between those two sentences and still left me trapped in intrigue and an ‘I can’t wait for the next episode’ feeling..!
Wonderful writing, filled with clever metaphors and implications… love love love..!
So lovely to hear, Susie, thank you.
A warning: things will get a little dark as it moves on towards a conclusion, though I'm sure that such was already apparent.
I had little doubt of that Nathan… 😉
I love love this metaphor of the seeping cold for something difficult to find in the crack of a marriage. What a cool idea (literally!). Gorgeous, haunting prose, Nathan.
Also, I like the erratic nature of your posts. It feels like a puzzle. Sometimes, I feel like a slave to regularity.
Thanks so much, Kate, appreciate it! Erratic can be good, eh. :)
I am blown away by how we got this full, heavy, fraught glimpse of their marriage in such a short space of words all occurring in a bathroom. Really well done. Looking forward to the next installment whenever it’s ready to make its appearance!
Thank you, Stephanie. I so appreciate your thoughts. It's been a good process for me to try and see how I can compress things into a short space. I still worry I'm becoming a little one-trick by focusing on relationships across my writing, but ... well, I guess I'll see how it all turns out. 😆
I think that’s common with writers though - we keep coming back to the same themes, circling/spiraling in toward them, maybe getting closer to the core of the thing in half lives.
Yes, serialization is tough, Nathan. But I think, though we may not garner a large audience, it's worth doing here on Substack, and we'll both see how this comes out, if we garner readers of creative work written as this one is, straight from the heart.
Thank you so much, Mary. That's a lovely comment and yes, I'm co.pletely behind that. Fiction (in relative terms) seems quite small here still, but it's lovely to see the community that is emerging.
I love the gust of wind transitioning from present moment to past, the wind then being as familiar as now. So much sadness and weariness between the couple, something clearly not quite right, so beautifully and poignantly written.
Thanks Nadia. 🤗