Wow, Nathan. This story is made even more believable by the subtle undercurrent of a stressed relationship against the backdrop of the creepy events. The story builds tension all the way through and more than once gave me the chills. Great work.
Well written, Mr. Slake. You do so much to invoke feeling in a single sentence that for other writers would be a throwaway line. But there isn’t an ounce of fat here.
Stirring, fast-paced, chilling, mesmerizing story, Nathan, that leaves the readers with so many questions and a feeling of unease. You're ready to graduate to horror games and/or to write horror games!
Ok, so maybe I'm ready to dip my toes into some horror, and then horror-game writing ;) Though, I'd much rather be writing for Larian and Baldur's Gate 4! Maybe I can send them my Substack as an application.
Well, I DO believe in the supernatural. Or, rather, I believe that there's an awful lot of layers of reality that we're unaware of, and which are perfectly natural. This story still gave me the creeps though. It read like a transcript of One Step Beyond script!
Very, very rarely, some strange thing will happen that MUST have a rational explanation, but the explanation never presents itself - phone calls on a bill that I KNOW I did not place, but who else could have? A rock in the middle of the floor - where did that come from??? A memory of an injury, but reversed - on the wrong hand as the remembered event... Life really can be stranger than fiction.
I'm not a believer either but I want to be because it doesn't seem plausible that this is all we are. I enjoyed the story, Nathan. I particularly like the way you described that the wife's voice sounded like a person who was putting shoes on. It's perfect and I know that voice but I would never have described it that way.
There’s never been a negative energy - except for one my sister saw in the 1970s - a lady who was sitting in her rocking chair on the verandah of an old house when my sister and her friends came to ask for help because their car had broken down. The lady scowled and walked off. The girls were desperate so knocked on the door. The fellow who answered was adamant that no one else lived there.
All of mine have been friendly, even helpful, except one poor confused soul who had recently died in a car accident. A whole other story...
Mankind likes to assume that what they believe is the Truth. Incidents like these simply remind us that an open mind is essential. I have no idea what the Truth actually is. (And I like it like that. 😃)
Terrific story. I’m surprised that I seem to be the only person here who is pretty sure that Death is not The End. I’ll tell the first definite incident. Sorry, it’s long...
My Mum died in 2006. Dad died June 2009. His birthday was July 21st. On the evening of July 20th 2009, my sister and I were still in the process of sorting and clearing out all Dad’s work records, so were living in the house together. I went to brush my teeth and was overwhelmed by the scent of Mum’s April Violets talcum powder as I was brushing away. Odd. I would have thought that mint would overwhelm any remaining traces of her talcum powder, particularly as I was in the ‘kids’ bathroom not ‘their’ bathroom. I finished and walked out into the main living area and was once again overwhelmed by this strong scent.
I got my sister, just said ‘Can you please come in here?’ and I headed for the family photos at the other end of the living room. As she walked past the doorway that led to the bathroom, she stopped and queried - Why is the smell of Mum’s talcum powder so strong here? Did you spill some?
That was the first of Many Incidents. Nearly all are scents for me, but both my sister and I have seen inexplicable things too.
We are certain that death is not the end. But I was raised to believe in Logic, so I totally understand why others would find these experiences hard to believe.
Thanks for allowing me to share a little bit of my story. And Thanks so much for sharing yours.
Wow Beth. That just sent shivers down my spine. Thank you for sharing so willingly.
Can I ask, do these Many Incidents (I am open to hearing more!) leave you feeling comforted and at ease by what they suggest? (You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.)
You have to take what my husband says with a grain of salt. He does believe a little bit he just won’t fully commit to believing until there’s hard evidence! Which probably will never happen. I’ve had one profound thing happen to me which was quite special and I’ve had lots of friends have profound things too. I think we get far too tied up in the physical world we forget how to connect to spirituality like we may have thousands of years ago!
I thnk I'm the same way as you with the supernatural - I love to think about it and read and watch things with it but I've got to much of a realistic scientist in me to really believe in it... but then again, who knows. Strange thigns happen every day and I guess that's what keeps me on the edge of suspicion and belief. Or maybe my life is just too ordinary?
Good thoughts, Dan, and I agree about the who knows. There's much we still don't know, but I remain of the opinion that there'd be some concrete evidence of such things and, so far as I'm aware, there simply isn't. Still, it's fascinating and I love hearing anecdotes and stories.
This is great, Nathan. Made all the more spooky by not having any histrionics and just building up the sense of something being “off”
As I think I’ve said before, a lot of my stories also come from real life experience.
I’ve witnessed what seemed like possession, ghosts and other supposed paranormal activity. Were these real or just cases of dreaming, an overactive imagination or collective hysteria? Who knows but they give me good ammunition for writing 😁
Your stories have been an inspiration to try and write something a little more on the spooky side, Dan. 😃
Fascinated to hear of your experiences. There is nothing I can touch on directly like that. But, perhaps I need to live in Scotland, on land that has such rich history!
That’s very kind of you, Nathan. Glad I could turn your mind to the supernatural as this story was brilliant. Look forward to more of them.
Well, it is dark up here for most of the year so that adds to the general spookiness. Plus, we do drink a lot as well which always makes you see funny things!🍺 😁
I do not believe in the supernatural, but obviously there is way more going on than we understand. I don't have any weird experiences to share of that sort. Rational explanations have dispelled all of them. Most of my weird experiences are states of mind or interactions with humans.
This was so fun, I probably enjoyed it more than I should have..?! And, that is a very, very clever title, my friend...
I'm not sure of the technical definition of 'ghost', but people being visited by those who have been long dead while on their deathbeds is frequent to the point that it doesn't even seem amazing, anymore. I think there's so much we don't, and won't ever, fully understand (thank goodness).
This is fantastic. The supernatural aspects aside, which I love by the way, the glimpse into the dynamics of their relationship is so great. I felt their angst, their frustrations, the slight bitterness of what the reality of a long term relationship really is.
Thanks so much, Troy, appreciate you coming in for a read. I didn't set out to write those little extra details, but they sort of just crept in as it unfolded, which is the nature of things often it seems.
The tension between the couple, and moments like his wheeling on her, made theatrical by the coats. It all drove the pace so briskly. Thank you for posting for us.
Wow, Nathan. This story is made even more believable by the subtle undercurrent of a stressed relationship against the backdrop of the creepy events. The story builds tension all the way through and more than once gave me the chills. Great work.
Thank you, Jim. I think it wants to be something much longer, with more there about that undercurrent. I'm pleased that carried through for you.
definitely
Well written, Mr. Slake. You do so much to invoke feeling in a single sentence that for other writers would be a throwaway line. But there isn’t an ounce of fat here.
You're too kind, Clancy, thank you 🙏
My editing sessions do sometimes feel like extensive cardio ...
Stirring, fast-paced, chilling, mesmerizing story, Nathan, that leaves the readers with so many questions and a feeling of unease. You're ready to graduate to horror games and/or to write horror games!
Thank you, Nadia 🤗
Too kind.
Ok, so maybe I'm ready to dip my toes into some horror, and then horror-game writing ;) Though, I'd much rather be writing for Larian and Baldur's Gate 4! Maybe I can send them my Substack as an application.
Get on the Larian train while they're still on a roll! They'd be so lucky to have you on team. Anyone would really. Hehe.
🤗
Well, I DO believe in the supernatural. Or, rather, I believe that there's an awful lot of layers of reality that we're unaware of, and which are perfectly natural. This story still gave me the creeps though. It read like a transcript of One Step Beyond script!
Not ever watched that, but just read the description over on imdb :)
Thanks for reading, Terry, and for sharing your thoughts.
Not ever watched it? I am condemned to be surrounded by uncultured Philistines. (Nothing personal!) Check it out on YouTube 😃
Haha I will do. I can always rely on your for iroving my culture, Terry ;)
Very, very rarely, some strange thing will happen that MUST have a rational explanation, but the explanation never presents itself - phone calls on a bill that I KNOW I did not place, but who else could have? A rock in the middle of the floor - where did that come from??? A memory of an injury, but reversed - on the wrong hand as the remembered event... Life really can be stranger than fiction.
Ooo these are great, Troy. Good story fodder! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm not a believer either but I want to be because it doesn't seem plausible that this is all we are. I enjoyed the story, Nathan. I particularly like the way you described that the wife's voice sounded like a person who was putting shoes on. It's perfect and I know that voice but I would never have described it that way.
Thank you, Ben.
That's my love of Haruki Murakami bleeding through, I'm sure. His prose is full of little things like that.
Agreed; that was my favourite line too. An unsettling, uncanny tale. Bravo!
Also, I only just got the title. I wonder what happens if one plays that track backwards...
YOU WIN A PRIZE!*
I was going to leave a clue about the title, but figured someone (you) would get there out of curiousity. Well done.
*Prize yet to be finalised.
There’s never been a negative energy - except for one my sister saw in the 1970s - a lady who was sitting in her rocking chair on the verandah of an old house when my sister and her friends came to ask for help because their car had broken down. The lady scowled and walked off. The girls were desperate so knocked on the door. The fellow who answered was adamant that no one else lived there.
All of mine have been friendly, even helpful, except one poor confused soul who had recently died in a car accident. A whole other story...
Amazing, Beth. Thanks so much for sharing these additional details.
There's a part of me that wants to experience something like this.
But then there's another part of me that doesn't, because I'm not sure what it'd do to my rationalising of reality!
Mankind likes to assume that what they believe is the Truth. Incidents like these simply remind us that an open mind is essential. I have no idea what the Truth actually is. (And I like it like that. 😃)
Wise words, Beth. Thank you.
Terrific story. I’m surprised that I seem to be the only person here who is pretty sure that Death is not The End. I’ll tell the first definite incident. Sorry, it’s long...
My Mum died in 2006. Dad died June 2009. His birthday was July 21st. On the evening of July 20th 2009, my sister and I were still in the process of sorting and clearing out all Dad’s work records, so were living in the house together. I went to brush my teeth and was overwhelmed by the scent of Mum’s April Violets talcum powder as I was brushing away. Odd. I would have thought that mint would overwhelm any remaining traces of her talcum powder, particularly as I was in the ‘kids’ bathroom not ‘their’ bathroom. I finished and walked out into the main living area and was once again overwhelmed by this strong scent.
I got my sister, just said ‘Can you please come in here?’ and I headed for the family photos at the other end of the living room. As she walked past the doorway that led to the bathroom, she stopped and queried - Why is the smell of Mum’s talcum powder so strong here? Did you spill some?
That was the first of Many Incidents. Nearly all are scents for me, but both my sister and I have seen inexplicable things too.
We are certain that death is not the end. But I was raised to believe in Logic, so I totally understand why others would find these experiences hard to believe.
Thanks for allowing me to share a little bit of my story. And Thanks so much for sharing yours.
Wow Beth. That just sent shivers down my spine. Thank you for sharing so willingly.
Can I ask, do these Many Incidents (I am open to hearing more!) leave you feeling comforted and at ease by what they suggest? (You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.)
Thank you again 🙏
You have to take what my husband says with a grain of salt. He does believe a little bit he just won’t fully commit to believing until there’s hard evidence! Which probably will never happen. I’ve had one profound thing happen to me which was quite special and I’ve had lots of friends have profound things too. I think we get far too tied up in the physical world we forget how to connect to spirituality like we may have thousands of years ago!
You know me well ;)
I think the spiritual realm intersects with the physical realm in ways we can choose not to see.
I'd be ok with seeing it if I knew how ...
I thnk I'm the same way as you with the supernatural - I love to think about it and read and watch things with it but I've got to much of a realistic scientist in me to really believe in it... but then again, who knows. Strange thigns happen every day and I guess that's what keeps me on the edge of suspicion and belief. Or maybe my life is just too ordinary?
Good thoughts, Dan, and I agree about the who knows. There's much we still don't know, but I remain of the opinion that there'd be some concrete evidence of such things and, so far as I'm aware, there simply isn't. Still, it's fascinating and I love hearing anecdotes and stories.
This is great, Nathan. Made all the more spooky by not having any histrionics and just building up the sense of something being “off”
As I think I’ve said before, a lot of my stories also come from real life experience.
I’ve witnessed what seemed like possession, ghosts and other supposed paranormal activity. Were these real or just cases of dreaming, an overactive imagination or collective hysteria? Who knows but they give me good ammunition for writing 😁
Your stories have been an inspiration to try and write something a little more on the spooky side, Dan. 😃
Fascinated to hear of your experiences. There is nothing I can touch on directly like that. But, perhaps I need to live in Scotland, on land that has such rich history!
That’s very kind of you, Nathan. Glad I could turn your mind to the supernatural as this story was brilliant. Look forward to more of them.
Well, it is dark up here for most of the year so that adds to the general spookiness. Plus, we do drink a lot as well which always makes you see funny things!🍺 😁
I do not believe in the supernatural, but obviously there is way more going on than we understand. I don't have any weird experiences to share of that sort. Rational explanations have dispelled all of them. Most of my weird experiences are states of mind or interactions with humans.
Heh, yeah, I'm with you on that.
I've been trying to think of something specific for me that's directly happened, but there's nothing that comes to mind.
Great story, gave me goosebumps. Your writing 👏
Thanks Brian. Goosebumps were the goal 😆
Nailed it!
This was so fun, I probably enjoyed it more than I should have..?! And, that is a very, very clever title, my friend...
I'm not sure of the technical definition of 'ghost', but people being visited by those who have been long dead while on their deathbeds is frequent to the point that it doesn't even seem amazing, anymore. I think there's so much we don't, and won't ever, fully understand (thank goodness).
Thank you for sharing that Chloe. I was hoping you might have something to add along those lines, given your work.
PS you also win a prize* Chloe, for being one of only two to mention/get the title ;)
*yet to be determined
Oooh, a prize! Marvelous. I only saw it after it blasted out of the radio, and when it fell into place I did some slow head nodding in your honour.
There was another strange and spooky thing that I started writing, but then I realized that it’s better saved for the day we meet 👻
😱👻 deal! I'll hold you to that 😁
This is fantastic. The supernatural aspects aside, which I love by the way, the glimpse into the dynamics of their relationship is so great. I felt their angst, their frustrations, the slight bitterness of what the reality of a long term relationship really is.
Thanks so much, Troy, appreciate you coming in for a read. I didn't set out to write those little extra details, but they sort of just crept in as it unfolded, which is the nature of things often it seems.
It's the nature of what makes you such a special and great writer.
🙏
The tension between the couple, and moments like his wheeling on her, made theatrical by the coats. It all drove the pace so briskly. Thank you for posting for us.
Thanks for your lovely comment, Rhodi, and thanks for swinging by for a read :)