Budding romance, deftly captured; and the walk through the neighborhoods is a great view of this place. Very intrigued by this "rootdrop" and wondering if it's going to become a problem between Jisa and Cloud? Quite enjoying "Precipice" Nathan!
There's some nifty world-building and details sprinkling going on during that walk to the bar! Nicely done Nathan. I like it. Here and there I would have tightened the prose a bit more but that's me, so will shut up. Jisa here is so different when compared to how she is with Warv, that's great. She's into Cloud, does she want to measure him?? Or the clouds? Double meaning? Nomen est Omen? What's going on?? I guess we need to tune in next time to find out! 👏👏
Personal preference, really. I try and avoid "just" outside of dialogue, but I remember George Saunders uses them a lot, too, e.g. in his short "Mother's Day" (available on the New Yorker website), esp. if it's part of the narrator's voice.
This was so beautiful, Nathan. I think you would be a great romance writer. It’s all the rage right now, just saying. 😉
Aw, thanks. Yeah, probably better money in YA romance. ;)
Budding romance, deftly captured; and the walk through the neighborhoods is a great view of this place. Very intrigued by this "rootdrop" and wondering if it's going to become a problem between Jisa and Cloud? Quite enjoying "Precipice" Nathan!
That's great to hear, Troy. Thank you.
The budding will continue in subsequent chapters. [spoiler!]
Jisa is a bit mean.
Heh. There's a softer side to her in there, it'll just take a bit of digging to get it out.
There's some nifty world-building and details sprinkling going on during that walk to the bar! Nicely done Nathan. I like it. Here and there I would have tightened the prose a bit more but that's me, so will shut up. Jisa here is so different when compared to how she is with Warv, that's great. She's into Cloud, does she want to measure him?? Or the clouds? Double meaning? Nomen est Omen? What's going on?? I guess we need to tune in next time to find out! 👏👏
Thanks Alexander. Open to any suggestions for sure. This one didn't get as much editing time as perhaps it should have.
Personal preference, really. I try and avoid "just" outside of dialogue, but I remember George Saunders uses them a lot, too, e.g. in his short "Mother's Day" (available on the New Yorker website), esp. if it's part of the narrator's voice.
I actually already cut a few before this version, thinking of you. There were just a few left ;)
I also meant to say that your "does she want to measure him" gave me a good chuckle.
I only now realized how you read that. I meant Warv’s Cloud measuring device... 🤣
This is such a 3D piece. I think in part it’s because every now and then you share where the characters’ eyes are. Really nice.
Thanks Kate, that's some really lovely feedback.