May 13, 2023·edited May 13, 2023Liked by Nathan Slake
I started my Saturday morning with your story, a pu-erh tea (with the name Dried Shrimps, fortunately it doesn’t taste like dried shrimps water, the name comes from the shape of the twirled dry leaves) and I also lit up a Japanese incense (Daphne scent, since you’re curious to know—you are, aren’t you?—which apparently is a flower).
I loved this second part, you have a real talent for writing in the first person. It creates an intimacy that draws the reader in immediately. Another strength I see in your writing is the depth you give to the human relationships, full of nuances, no on-the-nose dialogue, all subtle, indirect, with palpable emotion in between the lines, what is kept silent, the things no one speaks about but that are louder than anything that is spoken.
This piece reminded me how fragile long-term relationships are. How creating intimacy with another person opens us up to failure, vulnerability, the need for being tolerant, of overseeing shortcomings, of forgiving the other and ourselves, our selfishness, our shame.
It's very powerful.
The Daphne incense smells great.
Thank you for the beautiful moments. I'm looking forward to more. Now I'm hooked on your two stories.
Thank you so much, Claudia. That means a lot, truly. I really value the depth of your feedback. As I'm sure you feel too, each post carries some trepidation, especially after the hours and hours of writing and editing and editing and editing...
I think I spent perhaps too much time in part 1 establishing some sense of setting, whereas in here things move a bit more with the dialogue. Not sure. But anyway, I'm glad those aspects of the unspoken came through here, as that's really what I wanted.
I love writing in the first person, I just hope I'm not digging a hole by doing so in the present tense. But hey, happy to experiment and see how it goes.
There's a lot I want to get to here, both forwards and backwards in the timeline, so I think now I'll start alternating between this and Brae. So, if Renn let's me, more Brae next week 🤞
The tea sounds interesting... so long as it really doesn't taste like dried shrimps ;) We have an overflowing drawer of tea here, but as far as I'm aware no pu-erh.
Thanks, Nadia. I didn't find that easy to capture, took quite a lot of rewriting, so if that naturalness came across then that's some lovely feedback, thank you. 😃
Yeah. Big time. It's the one big thing that makes me like or dislike a film at first watch. I actually wanted to write a post on this at some point. The importance of good, believable dialogue, with some nods to some specific films and books.
Same for me! If dialogue sounds like a Tweet or hot take, it must be eradicated! lol Oh my goodness, can you do that? I would love to read it. I'm so interested to read your thoughts.
“Coffee is a gateway into the mind’s creativity. Embrace what it can do for your work.” Fuel me up!
I like the intrigue you are building and the history between the two. What's up with those dense not so dense clouds? Warv is like Q and Jisa... an agent!
One thing: He eyes narrow, but his head nods. // His eyes...
I started my Saturday morning with your story, a pu-erh tea (with the name Dried Shrimps, fortunately it doesn’t taste like dried shrimps water, the name comes from the shape of the twirled dry leaves) and I also lit up a Japanese incense (Daphne scent, since you’re curious to know—you are, aren’t you?—which apparently is a flower).
I loved this second part, you have a real talent for writing in the first person. It creates an intimacy that draws the reader in immediately. Another strength I see in your writing is the depth you give to the human relationships, full of nuances, no on-the-nose dialogue, all subtle, indirect, with palpable emotion in between the lines, what is kept silent, the things no one speaks about but that are louder than anything that is spoken.
This piece reminded me how fragile long-term relationships are. How creating intimacy with another person opens us up to failure, vulnerability, the need for being tolerant, of overseeing shortcomings, of forgiving the other and ourselves, our selfishness, our shame.
It's very powerful.
The Daphne incense smells great.
Thank you for the beautiful moments. I'm looking forward to more. Now I'm hooked on your two stories.
Thank you so much, Claudia. That means a lot, truly. I really value the depth of your feedback. As I'm sure you feel too, each post carries some trepidation, especially after the hours and hours of writing and editing and editing and editing...
I think I spent perhaps too much time in part 1 establishing some sense of setting, whereas in here things move a bit more with the dialogue. Not sure. But anyway, I'm glad those aspects of the unspoken came through here, as that's really what I wanted.
I love writing in the first person, I just hope I'm not digging a hole by doing so in the present tense. But hey, happy to experiment and see how it goes.
There's a lot I want to get to here, both forwards and backwards in the timeline, so I think now I'll start alternating between this and Brae. So, if Renn let's me, more Brae next week 🤞
The tea sounds interesting... so long as it really doesn't taste like dried shrimps ;) We have an overflowing drawer of tea here, but as far as I'm aware no pu-erh.
I love how natural and dynamic the dialogue is between the protagonists. Excellent work, Nathan!
Thanks, Nadia. I didn't find that easy to capture, took quite a lot of rewriting, so if that naturalness came across then that's some lovely feedback, thank you. 😃
Dialogue can be the toughest, huh! You did very well!
Yeah. Big time. It's the one big thing that makes me like or dislike a film at first watch. I actually wanted to write a post on this at some point. The importance of good, believable dialogue, with some nods to some specific films and books.
Same for me! If dialogue sounds like a Tweet or hot take, it must be eradicated! lol Oh my goodness, can you do that? I would love to read it. I'm so interested to read your thoughts.
Hahaha, absolutely correct.
I shall try :D (Semester and teaching are wrapping up soon, so I'll have more time to focus on writing.)
Good luck, Nathan! I'm excited!
“Coffee is a gateway into the mind’s creativity. Embrace what it can do for your work.” Fuel me up!
I like the intrigue you are building and the history between the two. What's up with those dense not so dense clouds? Warv is like Q and Jisa... an agent!
One thing: He eyes narrow, but his head nods. // His eyes...
Good catch. Thanks for the spot! Fixed. 👍
Poor Warv, I feel for him... Must check out the Precipice section to catch the thread, compelling world you are building, Nathan!
Thanks for the read, Troy. A bit longer this week, so many thanks for taking the time to absorb the words.