The descent, the transition from the character’s want to need, is nicely done. I don’t expect a happy end for either of them, redemption yes, unless of course Jisa forgets how to leave and live a happily ever after :)
This, especially the line "We would enter and I would simply forget how to leave" very much reminds me of The Year of The Cat: "You know sometime you're bound to leave her
But for now you're going to stay". Masterful, as ever, Nathan
I really felt as though I was in that ship during the descent, totally lost myself - a testament to your considerable talent, Nathan. Also, the way you write dialogue is so natural, which, if I'm honest, is rare these days...
Excellent work, Sir. I'm excited for the day you turn my biography into fiction ;)
If you were immersed, then that makes me very happy. Thanks Chloe.
And thank you re: dialogue. It's one of the things that makes me squirm the most when done badly (in film and in books), so I pick and pore over each spoken word many many (possibly too many!) times.
You may recall the scene in Matrix 3 as they crest the clouds and go from dark to light, in the look on Trinity's face, and her word "Beautiful" - this reminds me of that so much, only in reverse. Now I'm afraid. Nathan - this isn't the end???
The first one was such a revelation for sci-fi, I'm in shock sometimes that it's been 25 years almost? 😬 Anyway, I'm relieved we'll see more of Jisa and Cloud. I did mention the Altered Carbon vibes before, didn't I?
I know. A shocking amount of time. I have vivid memories of the sheer awe that first film elicited.
You did mention Altered Carbon before, yes. I only ever watched a few episodes of the show and it was at a time when I had these first seeds of this story, so I guess I may have backed away for fear that I was going to feel it was pointless to begin to think about this tale.
What a contrast of worlds, carried so painfully in Jisa. I could feel her refusal but strange surrender as she re-entered “home.” And your dialog is so natural, I felt like I was sitting with them, listening to an intimate conversation I had no business hearing, but grateful even so. On to the next one!
Funnily enough, my wife is a producer (relatively newly-turned producer, having spent many years as an actor) so I've read a decent number of screenplays with her and listened to her analysis and those of others, and one of the most jarring things for me (and this applies to fiction books, too) is when the dialogue doesn't work. I wouldn't mind trying screenwriting at some point. The dream would be to have this story published and then write the screenplay for it ;)
I don’t think this is too far-out of a dream Nathan. Going to start dreaming with you on this.:) And with a producer wife you’re already halfway there. ☺️
Aw, thanks Kimberly. That's really lovely of you to say. Well, I shall aim to finish it first, and then we'll see, but in the meantime I shall add it to my dreaming schedule too ;)
Relationships are so hard....which makes great fiction! 😅 Seriously, great drama and tension. I really like how you use water and glass in both parts of this story. How they can be opaque or clear, can be barriers or windows, really complements the pieces of themselves Cloud and Jisa are revealing and hiding.
Ooh I love this extraction of the meaning from the water and glass. Whilst my mind was certainly trying to establish that shift between Jisa's world and Cloud's in terms of inner and outer outlook, what's being revealed and hidden, I don't think I'd quite articulated it inside my head as well as you have done here. Thank you!
Thanks so much Nadia, that means a lot. And wow, an animated film. Yes please. I do dig some of the graphic novel-style images I've generated for these fragments. Perhaps a graphic novel adaptation and then the film ;)
The descent, the transition from the character’s want to need, is nicely done. I don’t expect a happy end for either of them, redemption yes, unless of course Jisa forgets how to leave and live a happily ever after :)
Thank you my friend. Perhaps I just stop the tale here and let them remain forever so...
Don’t you dare! 😅
This, especially the line "We would enter and I would simply forget how to leave" very much reminds me of The Year of The Cat: "You know sometime you're bound to leave her
But for now you're going to stay". Masterful, as ever, Nathan
Thanks Terry, I'm glad that line elicited something. I'm going to go listen to that now :)
I really felt as though I was in that ship during the descent, totally lost myself - a testament to your considerable talent, Nathan. Also, the way you write dialogue is so natural, which, if I'm honest, is rare these days...
Excellent work, Sir. I'm excited for the day you turn my biography into fiction ;)
🙏
If you were immersed, then that makes me very happy. Thanks Chloe.
And thank you re: dialogue. It's one of the things that makes me squirm the most when done badly (in film and in books), so I pick and pore over each spoken word many many (possibly too many!) times.
Appreciate you being here, thanks again Chloe.
Great piece! Your writing and especially your dialogue is amazing. I was gripped the whole way through.
Thank you Michael, that means so much.
You may recall the scene in Matrix 3 as they crest the clouds and go from dark to light, in the look on Trinity's face, and her word "Beautiful" - this reminds me of that so much, only in reverse. Now I'm afraid. Nathan - this isn't the end???
Oh no no, fear not. This is not the end! There is much, much more to come (I hope, at least. That's the plan).
You know, I don't think I've ever seen Matrix 3. Or if I have, that scene has faded. But now I would like to go watch it!
The first one was such a revelation for sci-fi, I'm in shock sometimes that it's been 25 years almost? 😬 Anyway, I'm relieved we'll see more of Jisa and Cloud. I did mention the Altered Carbon vibes before, didn't I?
I know. A shocking amount of time. I have vivid memories of the sheer awe that first film elicited.
You did mention Altered Carbon before, yes. I only ever watched a few episodes of the show and it was at a time when I had these first seeds of this story, so I guess I may have backed away for fear that I was going to feel it was pointless to begin to think about this tale.
A fantastic use of pathetic fallacy! I always look forward to these updates to Precipice.
*Googles Pathetic Fallacy*
😄
Aha, today I learnt something! Glad to have incorporated such without knowing that was what it was called!
Thanks for reading Kate, always appreciate you being here.
Many years of teaching English...I had to look it all up when I started teaching, too haha :)
The writing and feeling is superb. It feels like an unfolded adventure 🩵
Thanks so much, Alex. Really appreciate it.
🙏 thanks, Garrett. Means a lot that you took the time to come by for a read.
This was sad. You captured those little moments that say everything so well.
Thanks so much for reading, Claudia. Really appreciate it.
What a contrast of worlds, carried so painfully in Jisa. I could feel her refusal but strange surrender as she re-entered “home.” And your dialog is so natural, I felt like I was sitting with them, listening to an intimate conversation I had no business hearing, but grateful even so. On to the next one!
Thanks Kimberly. Realistic dialogue is what I strive most for, so that's great to hear. Thanks for reading!
You’re quite masterful with it!!! Have you ever tried your hand at screenwriting? I think you’d be a natural.
🙏
Funnily enough, my wife is a producer (relatively newly-turned producer, having spent many years as an actor) so I've read a decent number of screenplays with her and listened to her analysis and those of others, and one of the most jarring things for me (and this applies to fiction books, too) is when the dialogue doesn't work. I wouldn't mind trying screenwriting at some point. The dream would be to have this story published and then write the screenplay for it ;)
I don’t think this is too far-out of a dream Nathan. Going to start dreaming with you on this.:) And with a producer wife you’re already halfway there. ☺️
Aw, thanks Kimberly. That's really lovely of you to say. Well, I shall aim to finish it first, and then we'll see, but in the meantime I shall add it to my dreaming schedule too ;)
Relationships are so hard....which makes great fiction! 😅 Seriously, great drama and tension. I really like how you use water and glass in both parts of this story. How they can be opaque or clear, can be barriers or windows, really complements the pieces of themselves Cloud and Jisa are revealing and hiding.
Ooh I love this extraction of the meaning from the water and glass. Whilst my mind was certainly trying to establish that shift between Jisa's world and Cloud's in terms of inner and outer outlook, what's being revealed and hidden, I don't think I'd quite articulated it inside my head as well as you have done here. Thank you!
It was well done! Sometimes I swear our unconscious knows what it is doing so much better than our conscious.
Evocative Nathan, been there those moments, confusion on the brink of bliss, wondering......
Thanks Maurice!
Thanks so much Nadia, that means a lot. And wow, an animated film. Yes please. I do dig some of the graphic novel-style images I've generated for these fragments. Perhaps a graphic novel adaptation and then the film ;)