Poetic prose, bravo Nathan. Many wonderful passages, the imagery is beautifully done, "their many needles like downcast lashes." You also pick up images from the previous piece, sensory linking that is deeply satisfying: "By now, the old man would be standing, lifting the suitcase with his aged hands, the worn leather enjoying its separation from the surface of the platform."
And I had to restack this: "And she winked, a brief lid enclosing that orb of liquid jade from which she drank the world." So I did.
Thank you, much appreciated on the restack. Whilst most of this took me endless rewrites to try and capture the feel, that line about her eye came from nowhere, which the page accepted gladly 👁️🟢
This is magical writing, Nathan. It’s like poetry floating upon the crest of a dream carrying you to some unknown destination that can only be imagined in those first waking seconds when the real world hasn’t imposed its will on us yet. Truly wonderful
Two passages stand out for me :-
"Were you elsewhere?" she asked, letting go.
"Shall I wait for you?" And she winked, a brief lid enclosing that orb of liquid jade from which she drank the world.”
And
There is some distant, outer part of me that holds to a belief we still meander along that path from the station, that nothing happened thereafter, that, with Emmi, I am sustained beneath an endless and repeating wave, time's meaningless advance uncaring of our imposition.”
These are like the images and memories that stay with us about people who we may only have known for a short time but will always have a place in our heart.
It may be some comfort to know that I could only write this in those fleeting early-morning half-dream moments. Trying at any other time of day was impossible.
It's lovely to see you pick a few passages that stood out. Emmi's "Were you elsewhere?" was meant to capture her unique manner, which I hope it does. 🤩
I just love this. It's not just the way the narrative is progressing; it's the words themselves and these threads of memory/ghosts/dreams. I feel like you are diving into some unexplored space in your brain (or unpublished) and sharing it with us.
Thanks, Kate. That very much describes the writing process for this for me. It seems to be something that I have to sink deeply into, and the choice of words are integral to the process.
I loathe to use the word because it can be so vague, but, I adore the energy of this series. It feels animist, in a way. “Pine needles like downcast lashes” (heaven, by the way) and “baubles drooping eagerly” fill the place with so much life, so much enchantment, just as Emmi does… It’s enchanted and mysterious and ever so slightly melancholy… so, all my favourite things!! Most grateful to have the pleasure of reading it, Nathan 🙏
This is such lush, mystical prose, Nathan. When I read it I fall into a kind of trance state. It feels like it's going somewhere without moving at all. There's no impatience in reading to know what happens next because the experience of reading it is like breathing. I'm not sure how you do it. It's a fantastic trick.
"The experience of reading is like breathing." This is simply magical in itself. Thank you, Ben. These words are more than I could ever have hoped for. 🙏
Another intriguing, beautifully crafted installment. ““Do you dream?” she soon asked.
I thought to say the truth, that each night there came with it a hell, a terror that swept through my mind, and how, until the morning light could burn away its haze, I wept with fear at all I had seen.” I love how you offer hints to your characters’ lives but let us guess and wonder...
“...that orb of liquid jade from which she drank the world.” Just wonderful. Thanks for posting this Nathan! I can’t wait to see where this fits into the larger story.
OK, part 3 slowed down the walk into mystery, a little bit. I hope the mystery and the slight potential to have a supernatural mystery continues. I'm OK if it is not supernatural but involves aliens...
This really feels like a lucid dream. I really like the poetry in the descriptions. It gives a nice vibe, like it's all surreal and it almost feels like I'm walking along an ethereal scene.
"Time ceased, though I doubt time had ever done anything else in her presence." This left me open-mouthed. Beautiful. I am enjoying the story so far. The story, your narrative style, and the richness of your prose. Every word feels just right; as if there were no other words to be used in that precise circumstance. A gift that you have, Nathan, is the ability to give the scene its natural color, without artificially painting something that wouldn't be appropriate. Also, I notice your quest for the right definition of what this is, as the story evolves. It is what it is, and cannot be anything else.
Thank you so much Silvio. I wasn't expecting you to go and read the entire thing essentially in one go! That means a lot, as do all your thoughts.
The precise placement of words in this story was something that took a long, long time, and there are still many places where things aren't quite right, I don't think (highlighted more so when I come back to re-read), but that I let go of worrying about for now.
I appreciate you recognising the story for what it is and what it ended up being.
Maaan, this was good! Though, and I hope this in no way insinuates this story is any less good, as it’s not meant to, reading The Sernox really makes me miss Brae! I can’t wait for the next installment.
Poetic prose, bravo Nathan. Many wonderful passages, the imagery is beautifully done, "their many needles like downcast lashes." You also pick up images from the previous piece, sensory linking that is deeply satisfying: "By now, the old man would be standing, lifting the suitcase with his aged hands, the worn leather enjoying its separation from the surface of the platform."
And I had to restack this: "And she winked, a brief lid enclosing that orb of liquid jade from which she drank the world." So I did.
Thank you, much appreciated on the restack. Whilst most of this took me endless rewrites to try and capture the feel, that line about her eye came from nowhere, which the page accepted gladly 👁️🟢
Ahh the best kind of lines do that!
I agree
This is magical writing, Nathan. It’s like poetry floating upon the crest of a dream carrying you to some unknown destination that can only be imagined in those first waking seconds when the real world hasn’t imposed its will on us yet. Truly wonderful
Two passages stand out for me :-
"Were you elsewhere?" she asked, letting go.
"Shall I wait for you?" And she winked, a brief lid enclosing that orb of liquid jade from which she drank the world.”
And
There is some distant, outer part of me that holds to a belief we still meander along that path from the station, that nothing happened thereafter, that, with Emmi, I am sustained beneath an endless and repeating wave, time's meaningless advance uncaring of our imposition.”
These are like the images and memories that stay with us about people who we may only have known for a short time but will always have a place in our heart.
Brilliantly done 👍🏼
Thanks so much, Dan.
It may be some comfort to know that I could only write this in those fleeting early-morning half-dream moments. Trying at any other time of day was impossible.
It's lovely to see you pick a few passages that stood out. Emmi's "Were you elsewhere?" was meant to capture her unique manner, which I hope it does. 🤩
I just love this. It's not just the way the narrative is progressing; it's the words themselves and these threads of memory/ghosts/dreams. I feel like you are diving into some unexplored space in your brain (or unpublished) and sharing it with us.
Thanks, Kate. That very much describes the writing process for this for me. It seems to be something that I have to sink deeply into, and the choice of words are integral to the process.
Beautifully written, Nathan, an extended prose poem in fact.
Thanks, Terry. At the moment, this seems to be the way that I want to write!
You do it well. It suits you.
I loathe to use the word because it can be so vague, but, I adore the energy of this series. It feels animist, in a way. “Pine needles like downcast lashes” (heaven, by the way) and “baubles drooping eagerly” fill the place with so much life, so much enchantment, just as Emmi does… It’s enchanted and mysterious and ever so slightly melancholy… so, all my favourite things!! Most grateful to have the pleasure of reading it, Nathan 🙏
Thanks so much for reading, Chloe! Animist, enchantment, melancholy and mysterious -- these are all the things I want it to be. 🤗
Same same 🥰
Yes, it's an energy! I think it's a deeper experiential exploration of consciousness in a way. Or it does that for me as the reader.
This is such lush, mystical prose, Nathan. When I read it I fall into a kind of trance state. It feels like it's going somewhere without moving at all. There's no impatience in reading to know what happens next because the experience of reading it is like breathing. I'm not sure how you do it. It's a fantastic trick.
"The experience of reading is like breathing." This is simply magical in itself. Thank you, Ben. These words are more than I could ever have hoped for. 🙏
I loved this line: '“It meets you in dreams,” she said, stopping to cradle a flower, the pink baubles drooping eagerly into her palm."
Generally, I love that the Sernox keeps coming. Looking forward to the next installment!
Thanks, Holly. More to come soon! :)
Adult fairy tale - that's what I'm thinking so far, but I suppose it all depends on what the Sernox is, and what happens to Emmi... 🐉
That it does, that it will ... we shall see, soooon(ish)!
Another intriguing, beautifully crafted installment. ““Do you dream?” she soon asked.
I thought to say the truth, that each night there came with it a hell, a terror that swept through my mind, and how, until the morning light could burn away its haze, I wept with fear at all I had seen.” I love how you offer hints to your characters’ lives but let us guess and wonder...
🙏 thank you, Kimberly.
I'm glad you're ok with there being hints that are scattered through the words.
“...that orb of liquid jade from which she drank the world.” Just wonderful. Thanks for posting this Nathan! I can’t wait to see where this fits into the larger story.
Thanks Brian. The previous two parts are there linked at the bottom if you haven't already taken a look 😊
I agree, that line is a stunner...
Do you know the pleasure of reading words so beautifully rendered, that you immediately return to the beginning, and read them again? I do.
I know the pleasure of a comment that makes me immediately want to return to it ;)
Thanks, Ann, that truly means a lot.
OK, part 3 slowed down the walk into mystery, a little bit. I hope the mystery and the slight potential to have a supernatural mystery continues. I'm OK if it is not supernatural but involves aliens...
More mystery awaits, rest assured. Thanks for reading, Levent.
This really feels like a lucid dream. I really like the poetry in the descriptions. It gives a nice vibe, like it's all surreal and it almost feels like I'm walking along an ethereal scene.
Thank you, Ika. I hope that dream doesn't end up too shattered upon the ending … 😉
My mind needs to experience a shattered dream every now and then, to keep things interesting
Catching up with The Sernox ☺️!
🙌
"Time ceased, though I doubt time had ever done anything else in her presence." This left me open-mouthed. Beautiful. I am enjoying the story so far. The story, your narrative style, and the richness of your prose. Every word feels just right; as if there were no other words to be used in that precise circumstance. A gift that you have, Nathan, is the ability to give the scene its natural color, without artificially painting something that wouldn't be appropriate. Also, I notice your quest for the right definition of what this is, as the story evolves. It is what it is, and cannot be anything else.
Thank you so much Silvio. I wasn't expecting you to go and read the entire thing essentially in one go! That means a lot, as do all your thoughts.
The precise placement of words in this story was something that took a long, long time, and there are still many places where things aren't quite right, I don't think (highlighted more so when I come back to re-read), but that I let go of worrying about for now.
I appreciate you recognising the story for what it is and what it ended up being.
Maaan, this was good! Though, and I hope this in no way insinuates this story is any less good, as it’s not meant to, reading The Sernox really makes me miss Brae! I can’t wait for the next installment.
🙏 ah you're the best, Andrei. And don't worry, more Brae is coming very soon!
👏🏻 yes, that piece of news made my evening!