"Her favourite line, wailed at high pitch: Oh my god, you don’t know anything! (Special emphasis on the anything.) She’d then pause, tack on an at all at the end, as though those two additional words would lend further truth to her vitriol." We can hear this scene so clearly, it's as if we're standing right next to them.
I esp. liked the idea of recreating the aquarium scene from TWBC, and am looking forward to the conclusion next week. It's one of these instances where I feel readers would happily read on but also will be compelled to return, eager for more.
Well if that's not a complement then I don't know what is.
Transportative! What a great word (that I thought you'd made up, but then realised you would never do such, and then checked, and indeed it is a word).
It’s bedtime. Do I dare read one of your stories before drifting off to whatever my dreams select for me tonight ? I went for it. Safely through to the end and no strands of Jelly Fish tentacles to taunt me. I know you are laying out the pieces of the puzzle for us, turning each one right side up so we can see all the players. I’ll put my money on the Cuttlefish , for now anyway.
Good morning! Happy to report no scary tentacles or Cuttlefish, but I did have a strange dream; I remember a moment of standing with my feet in the damp sand on an ocean shore .The tide was coming in, mixing sand and treasures across the shore line. I saw what looked to be a dark rock tumbling in, then coming to rest,
“….half-buried in the sand…about the size of a fist, if a little larger, with a sharp upper edge that glinted in the morning light.” I tried desperately to run away, but the water was filling my path as quick as I was making one. With great difficulty, I willed myself awake. Must of been due to ‘author association’
You have done a remarkable job, Nathan, getting into the head of a teenage girl, writing from her view point! Not an easy thing to do, imagining both the thought processes and language -- unless you have a teenage girl in your life as your model. Especially touching was her assertion that life was so much easier for girls when nobody had cell phones. Myriad research studies and interviews have proven that to be true.
Thanks, Sharron. Always make me feel a little nervous writing from a different perspective, although it is perhaps ambiguous anyway in the absence of Cam's remarks and a few lines toward the end. I'm very glad to hear it landed well with you. Appreciate your thoughts as always.
I love the Wind-up Bird Chronicle and do own it. The blushing resonates here, Nathan. And Kimberly has said so well how well you've done here. The Imagery here, amazing and beautiful. I could check the grammar for you if you really wanted that. Don't worry it too much and keep on keeping on!
My issue is that I got myself jumbled between a past tense and a present style depending upon what specifically was being said, and then I decided to change all to past and then I got confused and who knows haha.
Gah!!!!! I didn’t want this to end. The girl, heavy beyond her years reminds me of the 13 year old protagonist in Muriel Barbury’s Elegance of the Hedgehog. Maybe I read too much into a reflection yours made, but not being able to read all the books by 30 leads me to think she’s planning her own end. As did the girl in Barbury’s novel. But then so much life! Feeling as if she could taste a thousand flavors! Her observations! A cuttlefish blush-mirroring her companion! Damn Nathan, will this be a short series, or please oh please, something longer?
Thank you thank you, Kimberly. This so desperately wants to be something long, but I'm scared. It was originally going to be a single post, but then it quickly became apparent there were going to be two viewpoints and it grew larger and larger and so I cut this (admittedly not at the best spot, perhaps) to try to wrangle some control over it. I'm still unsure. I will finish writing the next part and ask of it what it desires.
Love your thoughts. I certainly wanted someone to come across a little wise for her years, no doubt down to the extensive literature she has consumed already in life. ;)
What an amazing moment: “if I could taste the colours then I’d be tasting a thousand flavours as they cascaded from its skin and into my own and moved throughout my body” — I read it all in a rush and was really annoyed when the kid interrupted her. 🙃
This is so beautiful I wouldn't know where to start with the million things I loved. First off, the stream of consciousness prose, more evident in certain passages than others, is absolutely delightful. Some parts reminded me of Bret Easton Ellis's style, especially in his last novel, The Shards (I don't know whether you've read it, or if you're a fan at all), which I liked very much. Some passages that will remain etched in my memory for a long while: "And it’s not like I didn’t have friends. It’s just I could only handle them in small doses. My social batteries would burn out from a single evening and take at least a week to recover." -- I loved this one because I saw myself so clearly in it; "I wanted to see the jellyfish, and surely the more simplistic array of neurons embedded within the body of a jellyfish didn’t allow for concepts such as depression" -- this is just brilliant; and the Murakami reference, with that quote of his, "And look at the beautiful way it swims. They just keep wobbling along like this until they’ve been to every ocean in the world." -- this made me think of the idea of fish, or sea creatures in general, moving seamlessly through the ocean without borders, currencies, visas, or passports, as if the ocean is one uninterrupted expanse of liquid matter where life flows (pun unintended) naturally across the globe. I don’t know if this makes sense at all, but that’s what your passage made me think of. Just a magnificent piece, Nathan, and I hope to see a continuation soon.
Very interesting. I need to read it again. I like the preference for rain being one thing or the other. Best line? "A detailed map of stupidity. "
Thanks, Terry.
A very late addition, that line. Glad it caught your eye.
I could use one of those maps (to manage my own unlimited stupidity!)
😂
"Her favourite line, wailed at high pitch: Oh my god, you don’t know anything! (Special emphasis on the anything.) She’d then pause, tack on an at all at the end, as though those two additional words would lend further truth to her vitriol." We can hear this scene so clearly, it's as if we're standing right next to them.
I esp. liked the idea of recreating the aquarium scene from TWBC, and am looking forward to the conclusion next week. It's one of these instances where I feel readers would happily read on but also will be compelled to return, eager for more.
Thanks my friend, and thanks again for your swift help.
Possible conclusion next week. Who knows! I shall have to consult the story and see...
Or it keeps going! The story wants what the story wants! Who are we to stand in the way ;)
Transportative. I forgot that I was reading and was mildly surprised to rediscover my surroundings when I came to the end.
Well if that's not a complement then I don't know what is.
Transportative! What a great word (that I thought you'd made up, but then realised you would never do such, and then checked, and indeed it is a word).
It seemed like the right one, for some reason, but I did also look it up first, in case my sleepy mind had erred!
It’s bedtime. Do I dare read one of your stories before drifting off to whatever my dreams select for me tonight ? I went for it. Safely through to the end and no strands of Jelly Fish tentacles to taunt me. I know you are laying out the pieces of the puzzle for us, turning each one right side up so we can see all the players. I’ll put my money on the Cuttlefish , for now anyway.
Nothing too dark here, hopefully, though perhaps the cuttlefish swim its way into dreams. Do let me know. :)
Good morning! Happy to report no scary tentacles or Cuttlefish, but I did have a strange dream; I remember a moment of standing with my feet in the damp sand on an ocean shore .The tide was coming in, mixing sand and treasures across the shore line. I saw what looked to be a dark rock tumbling in, then coming to rest,
“….half-buried in the sand…about the size of a fist, if a little larger, with a sharp upper edge that glinted in the morning light.” I tried desperately to run away, but the water was filling my path as quick as I was making one. With great difficulty, I willed myself awake. Must of been due to ‘author association’
😴😬.
You have done a remarkable job, Nathan, getting into the head of a teenage girl, writing from her view point! Not an easy thing to do, imagining both the thought processes and language -- unless you have a teenage girl in your life as your model. Especially touching was her assertion that life was so much easier for girls when nobody had cell phones. Myriad research studies and interviews have proven that to be true.
Thanks, Sharron. Always make me feel a little nervous writing from a different perspective, although it is perhaps ambiguous anyway in the absence of Cam's remarks and a few lines toward the end. I'm very glad to hear it landed well with you. Appreciate your thoughts as always.
I now have a suspicion that I have missed something here, or made a false assumption... I'll find out with the next installment.
No no, you haven't, you were spot on. I was just writing a very rambling and unclear reply.
To be clear, the protagonist here is an 18 year old female. Her sister is Cam (Camilla) and the sister is two years older than her.
Okay! Thanks.
I love the Wind-up Bird Chronicle and do own it. The blushing resonates here, Nathan. And Kimberly has said so well how well you've done here. The Imagery here, amazing and beautiful. I could check the grammar for you if you really wanted that. Don't worry it too much and keep on keeping on!
Thank you, Mary, that's very kind.
My issue is that I got myself jumbled between a past tense and a present style depending upon what specifically was being said, and then I decided to change all to past and then I got confused and who knows haha.
But I shall keep on keeping on. 😊
Gah!!!!! I didn’t want this to end. The girl, heavy beyond her years reminds me of the 13 year old protagonist in Muriel Barbury’s Elegance of the Hedgehog. Maybe I read too much into a reflection yours made, but not being able to read all the books by 30 leads me to think she’s planning her own end. As did the girl in Barbury’s novel. But then so much life! Feeling as if she could taste a thousand flavors! Her observations! A cuttlefish blush-mirroring her companion! Damn Nathan, will this be a short series, or please oh please, something longer?
Thank you thank you, Kimberly. This so desperately wants to be something long, but I'm scared. It was originally going to be a single post, but then it quickly became apparent there were going to be two viewpoints and it grew larger and larger and so I cut this (admittedly not at the best spot, perhaps) to try to wrangle some control over it. I'm still unsure. I will finish writing the next part and ask of it what it desires.
Love your thoughts. I certainly wanted someone to come across a little wise for her years, no doubt down to the extensive literature she has consumed already in life. ;)
Very cool. 😎
Thanks, Beth!
What an amazing moment: “if I could taste the colours then I’d be tasting a thousand flavours as they cascaded from its skin and into my own and moved throughout my body” — I read it all in a rush and was really annoyed when the kid interrupted her. 🙃
This is so beautiful I wouldn't know where to start with the million things I loved. First off, the stream of consciousness prose, more evident in certain passages than others, is absolutely delightful. Some parts reminded me of Bret Easton Ellis's style, especially in his last novel, The Shards (I don't know whether you've read it, or if you're a fan at all), which I liked very much. Some passages that will remain etched in my memory for a long while: "And it’s not like I didn’t have friends. It’s just I could only handle them in small doses. My social batteries would burn out from a single evening and take at least a week to recover." -- I loved this one because I saw myself so clearly in it; "I wanted to see the jellyfish, and surely the more simplistic array of neurons embedded within the body of a jellyfish didn’t allow for concepts such as depression" -- this is just brilliant; and the Murakami reference, with that quote of his, "And look at the beautiful way it swims. They just keep wobbling along like this until they’ve been to every ocean in the world." -- this made me think of the idea of fish, or sea creatures in general, moving seamlessly through the ocean without borders, currencies, visas, or passports, as if the ocean is one uninterrupted expanse of liquid matter where life flows (pun unintended) naturally across the globe. I don’t know if this makes sense at all, but that’s what your passage made me think of. Just a magnificent piece, Nathan, and I hope to see a continuation soon.
And, of course, thank you for the shout out to my piece. So glad it was of inspiration. :)