"The role I had been meant to play." Drug mule! popped into my head when I read that line.
At the beginning, I was expecting some supernatural element, esp. with her standing and not standing in the doorway, scowling. And then when I go back and read about the cat feeling denser, heavier, it suddenly takes on a specific meaning, a specific something inside...
"There was a bookcase beneath the window, containing several rows of books." She has been doing this for a while! Then again, we don't know what happens after the Click... Nothing good!
This would make for a terrific short movie. Excellent writing (and editing), Nathan.
Thank you my friend. You got all the pieces there! Drug mule.
Funnily enough, Troy called it last week with the protag "writing from a Thai prison" (one of his theories, anyway 😆).
I wasn't sure if the potentially supernatural element was overplayed, but I was leaning into hangover (and potentially substance abuse the night before) mixed with the sense of sudden unease.
Yes, nothing good thereafter.
There's actually some inspiration for this. I'll perhaps post-script it next week.
Yes, indeed, I didn't want to post the titles "hidden within porcelain" so as not to spoil things in the note just now. Can't fool ole Troy! Excellent, excellent!
I didn’t see that end coming - was caught up in the supernatural element and eerie foreboding (the cat, I think, made it eerie!) excellent foreshadowing and feeding us a little at a time. A couple people mentioned Marukami and I felt a nod to him - in the atmosphere and pacing (and the cat, I suppose), rather than the voice, which is distinctly your own.
Yes it felt deliberate - I mean, midway through protagonist writing a sentence and you get the switch. So the abruptness felt purposeful. I am curious about the protagonist and L and what went wrong there - I like the depth and mystery that adds to the story.
He he, this is what I had in mind as well after re-reading the ending, a bit confused at the brusque wrap-up and wanted to head to the comments section and ask Nathan, hey, what's up, I didn't get it!
Love it, Nathan, the writing is clear and it flows and I got so caught up in the whole cat thing the way you described it and the foreboding feelings, he paid a high price for not listening to his intuition.
Love this, Nathan! It seems sickness, or at least rest, is working for you. 😉
The details - nuts hidden in candle, the cat details, the gaze (remember that discussion??) - they build mystery in such a wonderful way. You’re really good at the slow reveal. These echoes of meta fiction are so wonderful. I don’t know why I like that kind of thing so much (a la Borges, Auster, Murakami, etc as discussed also). You have your own style of doing it. I think it’s because it goes to a still deeper layer of consciousness or plays with the mystery of the text (and the inside-outside).
Now I’m rambling as I’m on a phone and that’s what phone composition is like for me. Great work.
Hehe, thanks Kate. Yes, I won't lie, despite having to still get some teaching in (and despite being floored by fever for a few hours the other night), it has been so great to just slow down and find a bit of time to disconnect from work and think about writing and stories. Re-editing this thing has been so valuable to me, too.
You know, whenever I write "eyes" or "gaze" I think of you because of the discussion about this ;)
We are in the same boat around meta fiction (Auster will be read soon!)
My friend! Wonderful conclusion. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish there were more. Without Alexander’s explanation of the drug mule theory, this felt to me like the prologue to a much larger narrative. The ending confused me. But the drug mule thing ties it up pretty nicely. Makes me want to reread both parts to see what I missed.
Thanks Andrei. I was toying with whether to make it a little more obvious. As I noted to Shoni here, Nin's seduction was clear, but her motive was less so.
Maybe that's OK, maybe I should have been clearer. 🤷♂️
Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to read.
Hard pass on the obvious. Make the reader work for it, when the pieces fall into place (and they do) it will be all the more rewarding. That Eureka moment is what it’s all about!
This is so good Nathan. The only thing irritating about it is its brevity! I really hope you'll make the headspace to commit to a long-form project. I've watched you nibble around the edges of such a thing for a while. As I've come to know you I understand there's been a lack of confidence that's held you back but you need to get over that! You have all the tools to write an amazing novel. With your scientific mind, I'm sure you could plot the shit out of it and create a schedule which might help it feel less daunting. I think giving yourself the space to stretch out and fully explore the magic you pack densely into these little vignettes would unlock something really powerful.
You hardly need my help, my friend. You have everything you need in your toolkit, but I'm happy to be a sounding board and a cheerleader. Let's set up time to chat at some point. You can tell me all your fears and your excuses and I can politely shoot them all down, ;-)
I’m always so impressed by your ability to paint a scene, Nate. It’s not often that I get lost in a piece to the point that I forget who the author is or why I’m reading it because I’m for all intents and purposes in the room, but when it does happen it’s typically with your work. “Two nuts were buried in the wax, like a small archaeological scene.” was just such a gorgeous, vivid, detail. I was fully into this being supernatural, then realized it wasn’t, but didn’t land on drug mule until I saw Alexander get it. Now it all makes perfect sense, and it’s still chilling!
Hopefully it didn't feel like too much of a bait and switch with the elements and (murky) truth.
I've had a lot of discussions with Jo about the story the last few days. She wants it to be longer, to expand on things, to explore more before it ends. There's been lots to chew on for all the amazing comments I've read here. It makes having comments on work so worthwhile. Some day I might return to this again, for a version 3, hehe.
I was keeping up all the way to the switch, then I thought a couple of paragraphs were missing. I went back and read the transition a couple of times, and never did figure out what was going on here. But so much of life is a mystery to me, I was okay with it. ha ha ha! I appreciated the comments that helped me decipher the code!
Thanks for your honesty, Sharron, I appreciate it. It's really good to know that's how it came across for you. You're not alone. I think if it wasn't for Alexander's comment at the top then quite a few would be confused as to precisely what happened. I find it's a fine line to say enough but not too much, but maybe here there wasn't quite enough,.
My rule, as a writer, is to never tell everything , showing only glimpses of the back story and omitting the resolution most of the time. I trust my readers to be intelligent enough to figure things out, and each one may have their own interpretation. I have no control over that. As a reader I prefer a little room to come to my own conclusions, but I am old, now, and sometimes I am baffled. It is a GOOD thing, Nathan It gives my brain a little workout. Your story is outstanding just as it is! And all your comments affirm that!
These are all excellent rules to follow. I want to be doing some work as the reader, most definitely.
I'm back to Gene Wolfe right now (Book of the New Sun, volume 2) and he reminds me just how much I enjoy scrambling around in the dark trying to put the pieces together. It slows the reading process down, but I feel enriched for it.
This needs to be a short film! Your writing is fabulous Nathan… always enough detail and sensuality to get 100% of me on board but also spacious too, letting my mind wander into imaginary possibilities. You have a real gift for that.
Now tell me, how the hell did Troy figure this out last week?! He’s a smart fellow.
Brilliantly done, Nathan. That first paragraph still gets me. It brilliantly paints a dream like world that soon becomes a nightmare
I agree that there is an underlying supernatural element here with the cat, the book and his imagination but I think this is just very cleverly showing his discombobulation at the surroundings and feeling control slipping away
Ok the two nuts buried in wax was so good. Immediately pictured an entire drunken evening playing some made up game with the bar nuts between drinks they didn’t need, I’m sure it made sense at the time. The highs of feeling goofy and connected to someone new. Seeing how far you’ll go together for the bit or just to smile.
Really amazing story, read backward it still works!
Lovely, Nathan. I was waiting for this sequel. Brilliant prose and rhythm.
"As I was doing this, my eyes landed on something else that gave me pause. On the shelf in front of me was a thick book. There was nothing inherently odd about this—the black and nondescript spine was squashed between a number of recipe books—but it was what was jutting out of the top that bothered me: it was a Polaroid, its border white and glossy. Enough of it was showing for me to make out the image." -- this is what I mean, for instance.
But also this: "In my mind I broke away, my eyes glancing through to the bedroom. The curtain was tied back and I could see the cat. It was still there, gazing towards its far-off and unknown land. I took one final glance before my eyes shifted back to hers."
Beautiful piece. For some reason, I feel it has to continue. It left me wanting more. It may just be the beauty of your writing or the tension of the story, but I can see places this can go.
Thank you, Silvio. That's truly very kind. I appreciate you noting the passages that spoke to you.
You know, I hadn't considered extending it because of the (potentially jarring) sudden shift to third person at the end. I wasn't sure where it could go from there to maintain the same kind of narrative. But, food for thought.
I noticed that. Yet, I find alternating first and third person back and forth interesting. Murakami does this beautifully. (Oh and btw, speaking of reading, I just finished HP Lovecraft’s The Colour Out of Space, per your recommendation. Loved it)
So pleased to hear you enjoyed The Colour out of Space. I think it's my favourite story of his, followed by perhaps At the Mountains of Madness and/or The Shadow Over Innsmouth.
"The role I had been meant to play." Drug mule! popped into my head when I read that line.
At the beginning, I was expecting some supernatural element, esp. with her standing and not standing in the doorway, scowling. And then when I go back and read about the cat feeling denser, heavier, it suddenly takes on a specific meaning, a specific something inside...
"There was a bookcase beneath the window, containing several rows of books." She has been doing this for a while! Then again, we don't know what happens after the Click... Nothing good!
This would make for a terrific short movie. Excellent writing (and editing), Nathan.
.
Thank you my friend. You got all the pieces there! Drug mule.
Funnily enough, Troy called it last week with the protag "writing from a Thai prison" (one of his theories, anyway 😆).
I wasn't sure if the potentially supernatural element was overplayed, but I was leaning into hangover (and potentially substance abuse the night before) mixed with the sense of sudden unease.
Yes, nothing good thereafter.
There's actually some inspiration for this. I'll perhaps post-script it next week.
Thanks so much for your thoughts as always!
Totally agree with the short movie thing! That would be so awesome!
Yes, indeed, I didn't want to post the titles "hidden within porcelain" so as not to spoil things in the note just now. Can't fool ole Troy! Excellent, excellent!
Well done for spotting that ;)
Nothing flies past you 😆
haha, if only! I did have my dose of caffeine, so that helps.
I didn’t see that end coming - was caught up in the supernatural element and eerie foreboding (the cat, I think, made it eerie!) excellent foreshadowing and feeding us a little at a time. A couple people mentioned Marukami and I felt a nod to him - in the atmosphere and pacing (and the cat, I suppose), rather than the voice, which is distinctly your own.
Thanks Stephanie.
A little abrupt end, perhaps, although that was what I was going for in the sudden shift and pull-out from the writing of the protagonist.
Yes it felt deliberate - I mean, midway through protagonist writing a sentence and you get the switch. So the abruptness felt purposeful. I am curious about the protagonist and L and what went wrong there - I like the depth and mystery that adds to the story.
Good to hear.
Some of what happened is hinted at by his remarks, but the rest remains within my head and for everyone else to speculate on 😆
He he, this is what I had in mind as well after re-reading the ending, a bit confused at the brusque wrap-up and wanted to head to the comments section and ask Nathan, hey, what's up, I didn't get it!
Same here!😂 Thanks, Alexander!
Hehe, thankfully the comments are here ;)
I wish you could see everyone’s face when we read your work…
Or perhaps you can?! I need to check my house for cats.
Excellent story, just the right amount of space to let the imagination run wild.
😆
This makes me very happy to hear! Thanks for reading, Brian.
Love it, Nathan, the writing is clear and it flows and I got so caught up in the whole cat thing the way you described it and the foreboding feelings, he paid a high price for not listening to his intuition.
Thanks Claudia! Appreciate you being here and reading!
Oh I didn't get it until the comments either 🤣. Think I need to reread it now with the insight. I must be tired.
Not at all. I often write perhaps a little too cryptically ;)
But the first half was so clear!
Her seduction was clear. Her motivation perhaps less so.
Glad I’m not alone. 😂
Love this, Nathan! It seems sickness, or at least rest, is working for you. 😉
The details - nuts hidden in candle, the cat details, the gaze (remember that discussion??) - they build mystery in such a wonderful way. You’re really good at the slow reveal. These echoes of meta fiction are so wonderful. I don’t know why I like that kind of thing so much (a la Borges, Auster, Murakami, etc as discussed also). You have your own style of doing it. I think it’s because it goes to a still deeper layer of consciousness or plays with the mystery of the text (and the inside-outside).
Now I’m rambling as I’m on a phone and that’s what phone composition is like for me. Great work.
Hehe, thanks Kate. Yes, I won't lie, despite having to still get some teaching in (and despite being floored by fever for a few hours the other night), it has been so great to just slow down and find a bit of time to disconnect from work and think about writing and stories. Re-editing this thing has been so valuable to me, too.
You know, whenever I write "eyes" or "gaze" I think of you because of the discussion about this ;)
We are in the same boat around meta fiction (Auster will be read soon!)
Love the rambling. Never stop :D
🙃🩵
My friend! Wonderful conclusion. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish there were more. Without Alexander’s explanation of the drug mule theory, this felt to me like the prologue to a much larger narrative. The ending confused me. But the drug mule thing ties it up pretty nicely. Makes me want to reread both parts to see what I missed.
Thanks Andrei. I was toying with whether to make it a little more obvious. As I noted to Shoni here, Nin's seduction was clear, but her motive was less so.
Maybe that's OK, maybe I should have been clearer. 🤷♂️
Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to read.
Hard pass on the obvious. Make the reader work for it, when the pieces fall into place (and they do) it will be all the more rewarding. That Eureka moment is what it’s all about!
I think if you write any clearer than this, you’ll stop being the Nathan Slake we love😂 Just do whatever your gut tells you, always!
This is a reassuring comment, Andrei. Thank you!
This is so good Nathan. The only thing irritating about it is its brevity! I really hope you'll make the headspace to commit to a long-form project. I've watched you nibble around the edges of such a thing for a while. As I've come to know you I understand there's been a lack of confidence that's held you back but you need to get over that! You have all the tools to write an amazing novel. With your scientific mind, I'm sure you could plot the shit out of it and create a schedule which might help it feel less daunting. I think giving yourself the space to stretch out and fully explore the magic you pack densely into these little vignettes would unlock something really powerful.
Thanks, Ben. That means a huge amount. Truly.
The issue has been confidence, yes, and also time and planning and, well, having no real idea how to construct something larger.
There is Brae to finish, which is the closest to something larger, but even that is essentially novella or novelette.
Anyway, I am open to your tips, thoughts and help any time 😀
You hardly need my help, my friend. You have everything you need in your toolkit, but I'm happy to be a sounding board and a cheerleader. Let's set up time to chat at some point. You can tell me all your fears and your excuses and I can politely shoot them all down, ;-)
Love this Ben, such encouraging words! Please keep this encouragement up, not sure he believes me when I try to encourage him!
Haha, sounds good my friend.
I’m always so impressed by your ability to paint a scene, Nate. It’s not often that I get lost in a piece to the point that I forget who the author is or why I’m reading it because I’m for all intents and purposes in the room, but when it does happen it’s typically with your work. “Two nuts were buried in the wax, like a small archaeological scene.” was just such a gorgeous, vivid, detail. I was fully into this being supernatural, then realized it wasn’t, but didn’t land on drug mule until I saw Alexander get it. Now it all makes perfect sense, and it’s still chilling!
A beautiful compliment, thank you, Chloe 🤗
Hopefully it didn't feel like too much of a bait and switch with the elements and (murky) truth.
I've had a lot of discussions with Jo about the story the last few days. She wants it to be longer, to expand on things, to explore more before it ends. There's been lots to chew on for all the amazing comments I've read here. It makes having comments on work so worthwhile. Some day I might return to this again, for a version 3, hehe.
I was keeping up all the way to the switch, then I thought a couple of paragraphs were missing. I went back and read the transition a couple of times, and never did figure out what was going on here. But so much of life is a mystery to me, I was okay with it. ha ha ha! I appreciated the comments that helped me decipher the code!
Thanks for your honesty, Sharron, I appreciate it. It's really good to know that's how it came across for you. You're not alone. I think if it wasn't for Alexander's comment at the top then quite a few would be confused as to precisely what happened. I find it's a fine line to say enough but not too much, but maybe here there wasn't quite enough,.
My rule, as a writer, is to never tell everything , showing only glimpses of the back story and omitting the resolution most of the time. I trust my readers to be intelligent enough to figure things out, and each one may have their own interpretation. I have no control over that. As a reader I prefer a little room to come to my own conclusions, but I am old, now, and sometimes I am baffled. It is a GOOD thing, Nathan It gives my brain a little workout. Your story is outstanding just as it is! And all your comments affirm that!
These are all excellent rules to follow. I want to be doing some work as the reader, most definitely.
I'm back to Gene Wolfe right now (Book of the New Sun, volume 2) and he reminds me just how much I enjoy scrambling around in the dark trying to put the pieces together. It slows the reading process down, but I feel enriched for it.
Thanks for all your thoughts, Sharron!
This needs to be a short film! Your writing is fabulous Nathan… always enough detail and sensuality to get 100% of me on board but also spacious too, letting my mind wander into imaginary possibilities. You have a real gift for that.
Now tell me, how the hell did Troy figure this out last week?! He’s a smart fellow.
Thank you, Kimberly. Means a lot. You aren't the first to say it should be a short film!! Maybe I'll ask Jo if she wants to film it for me ;)
As for Troy. I dunno. He's a smart cookie 😆
Brilliantly done, Nathan. That first paragraph still gets me. It brilliantly paints a dream like world that soon becomes a nightmare
I agree that there is an underlying supernatural element here with the cat, the book and his imagination but I think this is just very cleverly showing his discombobulation at the surroundings and feeling control slipping away
Wonderful writing and story telling my friend 👍🏼
Thanks so much, Dan. I was thinking of you when I was putting in those elements suggesting perhaps something supernatural.
I've just discovered this Substack!! Brilliant - you write tethered to the senses. Totally my style. Happily subscribed man, keep this up :))
Aw Tom, you're the best! Thank you my friend!
I was wondering while reading if stroking a cat for good luck is a colloquialism for some type of party drug lol.
;)
Ok the two nuts buried in wax was so good. Immediately pictured an entire drunken evening playing some made up game with the bar nuts between drinks they didn’t need, I’m sure it made sense at the time. The highs of feeling goofy and connected to someone new. Seeing how far you’ll go together for the bit or just to smile.
Really amazing story, read backward it still works!
Thanks so much my friend. It's great to know reading it backwards still worked!
Holy crap! It does!
Lovely, Nathan. I was waiting for this sequel. Brilliant prose and rhythm.
"As I was doing this, my eyes landed on something else that gave me pause. On the shelf in front of me was a thick book. There was nothing inherently odd about this—the black and nondescript spine was squashed between a number of recipe books—but it was what was jutting out of the top that bothered me: it was a Polaroid, its border white and glossy. Enough of it was showing for me to make out the image." -- this is what I mean, for instance.
But also this: "In my mind I broke away, my eyes glancing through to the bedroom. The curtain was tied back and I could see the cat. It was still there, gazing towards its far-off and unknown land. I took one final glance before my eyes shifted back to hers."
Beautiful piece. For some reason, I feel it has to continue. It left me wanting more. It may just be the beauty of your writing or the tension of the story, but I can see places this can go.
Thank you, Silvio. That's truly very kind. I appreciate you noting the passages that spoke to you.
You know, I hadn't considered extending it because of the (potentially jarring) sudden shift to third person at the end. I wasn't sure where it could go from there to maintain the same kind of narrative. But, food for thought.
I noticed that. Yet, I find alternating first and third person back and forth interesting. Murakami does this beautifully. (Oh and btw, speaking of reading, I just finished HP Lovecraft’s The Colour Out of Space, per your recommendation. Loved it)
Ahh, a fellow Murakami fan. We are brothers 🤗
Everything makes sense now.
So pleased to hear you enjoyed The Colour out of Space. I think it's my favourite story of his, followed by perhaps At the Mountains of Madness and/or The Shadow Over Innsmouth.
OMG, yes! I love his clean yet profound style. I wrote about him here: https://silviocastelletti.substack.com/p/unexpected-moments-of-clarity
Regarding HP Lovecraft, I didn't know his work. But now I'm a fan. Amazing that the guy wrote those things a hundred years ago!
Next up is Solenoid (another rec of yours).
OK I read it. Wonderful. Makes me want to dive back into some Murakami. (If only "The City and Its Uncertain Walls" was out in English already...)
Thank you! I know, right? I've been waiting for that one too.
Opened that to read in the morning! Thanks Silvio! Excited to hear what you'll make of Solenoid!
Mesmerizing.
Thank you, Ann. Mission accomplished ;)