Wow. I'd love to find a more articulate way to express the punch of this chapter, but I can think of no more genuine response. Such a punch in the gut and so expertly done. Bravo, Nathan. It's such a magic trick you do with every one of your pieces. They stand alone and yet hold the greater arc of the story without touching directly what came before or after.
Thank you, Ben. That means a lot, as all your comments do.
I think the extra week and bit of space for me helped with this one. I sweated over it a fair amount haha.
I'm sure you feel this too, but there's always a mix of relief and apprehension when hitting Send on a post. I know we should have confidence in our own work, but the community response here always warms my heart.
If I must choose one passage, this would be the one, the foreshadowing ;
“Tell it!” he shouted, slamming his hand down on the table. His cup, its white-brown enamel stained from years of use, jumped from its saucer and clinked as it fell back into place. “Say it,” he whispered. “Say it so I know it to be true.” “So I told him.”
This entire chapter is my personal favorite. Every nuance captured in word. I was reading as if it played out in front of me on the big screen. Like a scene from a movie that always stays with you.Especially the bathroom. Ten years, twenty, sometimes a lifetime. Such intensity. Seeps into my skin. No amount of scrubbing will remove it. (Jeez , I hope not). I’m going to remember your name. And how I used to read everything you wrote on some venue, (I won’t remember the name Substack).Back in the days before you became a well known author. I don’t often go to the theatre to watch Sci-fi, but I’m making an exception. Pass the popcorn🍿, I’m not leaving my seat.
Thank you, Lor. Another comment from you that I will frame and look at in my moments of questioning myself and what I am doing here pretending to be a writer ;) You really do say the most wonderful things!
If I were to draw out any kind of arc, then I wanted this chapter to be the apex of sorts, so I'm so pleased that this is your personal favourite.
The scene full of crimson is so shocking, unbelievable, and saddening. I see it painted in front of me so clearly. And shocking even more is who put it there? She or he? The ending leaves the reader suspended in anxious anticipation!
Marvelous. Such incredible tension, especially the obvious horror of the bathroom scene but eerily calm, like so much of death, no gimmicky sfx, no Jackson Pollock splatter, just quiet, almost beautiful shapes relating to one another. These details make his shock so real, the brain trying to protect itself from the senseless. Do you watch any Korean horror films? They are masters at making horror beautiful. “ I watched the faucet drip, two droplets sending out ripples to touch at her skin. The waves, miniature in their form, lapped at her body and sought out her arms to dissipate against the edge of the tub. It was almost serene…”
This is an outstanding chapter, Nathan. As others have mentioned, the image of Mara in the bath is hauntingly vivid and grimly beautiful. Initially it brought to mind Stan’s suicide in Stephen King’s IT. However, it transcends even that with your descriptive prowess. Of all the things you’ve written, I really think this is some of your most impressive story telling. Brilliantly done 👍🏼
"Mara was motionless in the water, the only movement the flicker of a candle that cast darting shadows across her lifeless figure. Her skin was a sallow white, the lifeblood that once coursed through her veins drained now into the water, creating a sea of deep crimson." - Love this! There can be macabre beauty in death that you captured very well (ever read any Baudelaire?).
Excited for the conclusion! And hoping the creepy stone will behave & release you to finish the story, instead of forcing you to add more parts (unless they're really good...).
Chilling and exquisite! That cold voice - can it be trusted? and can the protagonist trust himself? I love the metaphysical mixed so effortlessly with the earthly. Beautifully done, Nathan.
PS I’m so curious about the state you uncovered this in!!
You know, I've toyed with sharing a little bit of what it was before. Perhaps I will at some point. In summary: riddled with adverbs, overly descriptive without enough substance, trying to lean into gimmickyness in places. I'm not sure. There was enough that it could be carried over with minor tweaking that it gave me confidence that I had some idea of what I was doing, but then I think that in years to come I might look back at all this here and similarly cringe and nod and extract snippets. 🙃
What a scene you have created here, Nathan. It assaults all the senses. This stone has brought your character into confrontation with some pretty strange beings through these episodes - like the creatures one meets in nightmares. I am curious how this will be resolved. I cannot imagine that it will be a nice neat package.
Yes, the resolution ... that great conflict in my mind. There is a crossroads and both paths are viable, and I need to allow myself down one of the paths.
I think this is my favorite chapter so far Nathan… did I say that last week too..?
“The waves, miniature in their form, lapped at her body and sought out her arms to dissipate against the edge of the tub” I can see this, almost feel it!
Wow. I'd love to find a more articulate way to express the punch of this chapter, but I can think of no more genuine response. Such a punch in the gut and so expertly done. Bravo, Nathan. It's such a magic trick you do with every one of your pieces. They stand alone and yet hold the greater arc of the story without touching directly what came before or after.
Thank you, Ben. That means a lot, as all your comments do.
I think the extra week and bit of space for me helped with this one. I sweated over it a fair amount haha.
I'm sure you feel this too, but there's always a mix of relief and apprehension when hitting Send on a post. I know we should have confidence in our own work, but the community response here always warms my heart.
If I must choose one passage, this would be the one, the foreshadowing ;
“Tell it!” he shouted, slamming his hand down on the table. His cup, its white-brown enamel stained from years of use, jumped from its saucer and clinked as it fell back into place. “Say it,” he whispered. “Say it so I know it to be true.” “So I told him.”
This entire chapter is my personal favorite. Every nuance captured in word. I was reading as if it played out in front of me on the big screen. Like a scene from a movie that always stays with you.Especially the bathroom. Ten years, twenty, sometimes a lifetime. Such intensity. Seeps into my skin. No amount of scrubbing will remove it. (Jeez , I hope not). I’m going to remember your name. And how I used to read everything you wrote on some venue, (I won’t remember the name Substack).Back in the days before you became a well known author. I don’t often go to the theatre to watch Sci-fi, but I’m making an exception. Pass the popcorn🍿, I’m not leaving my seat.
Thank you, Lor. Another comment from you that I will frame and look at in my moments of questioning myself and what I am doing here pretending to be a writer ;) You really do say the most wonderful things!
If I were to draw out any kind of arc, then I wanted this chapter to be the apex of sorts, so I'm so pleased that this is your personal favourite.
I only tell you the truth. Of course if it sucked, I wouldn’t be making any comments at all.
Then you’d be thinking. where’s smiley puppy face, oh , she must have hated it…
😅😅 and now I know my metric of if something sucks.
I’ve never been called someone’s metric before. I’m honored. Do you have a badge or something I can wear?🏅
If I ever get to the stage of having something actually in print, I'll send you a copy and include a special medal for you. ;)
The scene full of crimson is so shocking, unbelievable, and saddening. I see it painted in front of me so clearly. And shocking even more is who put it there? She or he? The ending leaves the reader suspended in anxious anticipation!
🙏 Thank you, Nadia. You being here makes me so very happy.
Anxious anticipation and ambiguity!
D’aww! Well, it makes my day when you pop by my little corner.
PS: I keep forgetting to say I watched Longlegs. I love it. It’s so weird. Smart too in the way they filmed and edited it.
Oooh awesome. It’s still on my list. Very keen to watch.
Marvelous. Such incredible tension, especially the obvious horror of the bathroom scene but eerily calm, like so much of death, no gimmicky sfx, no Jackson Pollock splatter, just quiet, almost beautiful shapes relating to one another. These details make his shock so real, the brain trying to protect itself from the senseless. Do you watch any Korean horror films? They are masters at making horror beautiful. “ I watched the faucet drip, two droplets sending out ripples to touch at her skin. The waves, miniature in their form, lapped at her body and sought out her arms to dissipate against the edge of the tub. It was almost serene…”
Thanks Kimberly. 😊
Yes, big fan of Korean horror and largely for these reasons. There is something hauntingly beautiful and terrifying in the portrayal.
So pleased it made you think along these lines.
We should compare lists sometime. Some Japanese and Swedish directors in the mix too.
I’m keen for all the recs. Throw them at me ;)
A confession of sorts, the old man knows it to be true. Splendid scene, vivid descriptions all throughout. Keen to find out how it all ends!
Thanks Alexander! 🙏
Close to the end now!
This is an outstanding chapter, Nathan. As others have mentioned, the image of Mara in the bath is hauntingly vivid and grimly beautiful. Initially it brought to mind Stan’s suicide in Stephen King’s IT. However, it transcends even that with your descriptive prowess. Of all the things you’ve written, I really think this is some of your most impressive story telling. Brilliantly done 👍🏼
Thank you, Dan. That's an amazing comment to read. I'm really touched.
Stan's death in IT. Eeep, yes. That was a brutal and powerful moment that stays with me.
"Mara was motionless in the water, the only movement the flicker of a candle that cast darting shadows across her lifeless figure. Her skin was a sallow white, the lifeblood that once coursed through her veins drained now into the water, creating a sea of deep crimson." - Love this! There can be macabre beauty in death that you captured very well (ever read any Baudelaire?).
Excited for the conclusion! And hoping the creepy stone will behave & release you to finish the story, instead of forcing you to add more parts (unless they're really good...).
Thanks, Vanessa!
I hope that's the case too. ;)
I have two viable endings (I think), but the choice is which.
Not read any Baudelaire, no. Another author I must investigate.
Chilling and exquisite! That cold voice - can it be trusted? and can the protagonist trust himself? I love the metaphysical mixed so effortlessly with the earthly. Beautifully done, Nathan.
PS I’m so curious about the state you uncovered this in!!
Thank you, Kate. 🙏
You know, I've toyed with sharing a little bit of what it was before. Perhaps I will at some point. In summary: riddled with adverbs, overly descriptive without enough substance, trying to lean into gimmickyness in places. I'm not sure. There was enough that it could be carried over with minor tweaking that it gave me confidence that I had some idea of what I was doing, but then I think that in years to come I might look back at all this here and similarly cringe and nod and extract snippets. 🙃
Lean into gimmickyness?! Ha. I will need an explanation but I like it. This is fascinating. :)
;)
I will consider it in a future post.
What a scene you have created here, Nathan. It assaults all the senses. This stone has brought your character into confrontation with some pretty strange beings through these episodes - like the creatures one meets in nightmares. I am curious how this will be resolved. I cannot imagine that it will be a nice neat package.
Thank you, Sharron. I so appreciate your words.
Yes, the resolution ... that great conflict in my mind. There is a crossroads and both paths are viable, and I need to allow myself down one of the paths.
I think this is my favorite chapter so far Nathan… did I say that last week too..?
“The waves, miniature in their form, lapped at her body and sought out her arms to dissipate against the edge of the tub” I can see this, almost feel it!
Hehe, I will be happy if you say it every week, Susie. ;)
Thanks so much for reading.
What? No way! 😱
Indeed. Yes. Sorry. 😬
“Did she?” he said, his voice cold. “Or did you?”
I think these last lines might just capture the punch Ben was looking for words for.
Damn, Nathan! The telling of this story is fantastic.
Aw, thank you, Holly. So pleased to hear.
Hands down, the most beautiful, poetic description of a death scene I have ever read. I actually felt guilty for enjoying it as much as I did!
Thanks so much, Chloe! 🤗
I often have a hard time visualizing what I read. I have to work really hard to do so. But not with your work. It is VIVID.
Nicely done. Goose bumps again.
Thanks so much Brian, that’s so great to hear!
Yes, like Kim, I'm entranced by the silence/eerie calm of the scene, the droplets - and the stone, clean? Maybe it drinks blood... 😱
Thanks, Troy! Teehee, maybe it does ...
Superb, Nathan. I could quote any part of this but this line seems particularly inspired:
"What have you done? I said, the air so cool a faint mist left my mouth, the vapour like that of a departing soul."
Chills down my spine.
Thank you, Jim! I was a bit hesitant about this one because of the more graphic nature of it, but seems perhaps I needn't have worried.