Those are wonderfully descriptive words, Nathan, which were an intriguing starting point to this latest instalment
I’m, a bit like yourself maybe, not sure where this one is going but it’s almost like a piece of atmosphere rather than story telling if you get what I mean. It’s has the feel that we’re intruding on private lives and private discussions in a strangely uncertain world 🤔
Maybe I’m just talking nonsense and that’s what all fiction is but, I love what I’ve read so far, and think this could end up being something really special 👍🏼🙂
You're right, it really is an intrusion, that's what it feels like to be writing it. It makes me nervous to be exploring the story and I think that's possibly why.
No nonsense at all, that's totally on-point and something I hadn't been able to work out myself 😄
I feel that way when I draw portraits. It is such an intimate exploration of a person. I guess this is exactly the same, uncovering things as the ink flows... Lovely.
I think I hear Chloe all the way in London, tittering ...🐦🐥🦅🦆🦢 "My father, through his sheer enthusiasm, had imprinted on me a passing knowledge of avian taxonomy, a useless rattling of Latin species, and I found myself identifying those I could recognise: Columba palumbus, Prunella modularis, T. merula, P. pyrrhula, even Spinus spinus, and beneath a rare and cloudless cerulean sky, I watched their movements with idle fascination."
So many quotable lines but this one reminded me of how it felt to be of a certain age in the company of a certain girl for the first time: “You’re here to collect me,” she stated, digging into her coat pocket, extracting a piece of paper and thrusting it in front of my eyes. Various words were written on it, possibly my name, but it may as well have been blank."
This is so good, Nathan. I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
Emmi - what a seductress! And this is a gorgeous continuation of the story. Some of my most beloved lines:
"She was the meteor that blazed through the skies of my life before being extinguished by the horror of that year."
"She walked toward me in her pale skin, wrapped in a thick black coat with fur hood thrown back, her eyes of purest jade, a ring looped through her nose, ashen hair that fell to her shoulders, and lips that bore no trace of lipstick, having instead a subtle shift of colour borrowed from her cheeks."
"Right there on the platform, my body collapsing limp and flowing over the edge, to pool across the tracks and await severance from this world."
"The pattern was a layer, an arrangement of molecules offering nothing but the pretext of division between us, one that through the journey to the village, as we had walked side by side along the forest path, I could feel through proximity."
Sometimes I worry that my writing defaults to too poetic, but then I look at the books that I read and love and feel inspired by the writing of those authors ... so, well 🤷♂️
In this small space you've managed to draw such a vivid portrait, Nathan. She is lovely, yes. But who is this narrator-- so tenderhearted and romantic? Who is this man who still remembers the Latin names of birds taught to him when he was a child? I think he is every bit as interesting a character as Emmi. I like his voice.
This is so beautifully written I could cry. There’s too many lines that I want to quote back to you. The image of the animals moving as she breathes, and the roots in her rib cage, ugh, I’m in love with her, too...
Very emotive prose, Nathan. Well done. Also "We talked and talked and she spoke of the land, its presence, why she was here." Don't tell the reader though, way to stoke the mystery fire. I like it. I don't know but my brain jumped to the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo at some point, even though there is no relation other than the tattoos.
The strongest image for me was this: "Opposite me, on the other platform, an old man sat waiting, hands atop each knee, a tattered brown suitcase at his heels like an obedient dog. I wondered at what he was thinking, but gave no moment to consider that it could have been me."
God, this is truly brilliant writing, Nathan! I wanted it to keep going and going. The world you create with your description and detail is pitch-perfect-- not overwrought and unnecessary but effortless and essential. I feel like these characters deserve something more long-form where they can stretch out. I hope you'll keep going with it.
🙏 Thank you, Ben, I feel honoured that you feel that about the writing and the piece. I felt a deep connection with the world and words when writing and it's a comfort to know that comes across.
Wow, I thoroughly love the poetic voice of your writing, Nathan. "The quiet husk of dawn"..."the passage of the unseen sun"..."when an icy rain desired the land"; even the elements are falling in love alongside you. Utterly beautiful.
This is so immersive. The description of her back is beautiful!
I have the feeling that the "I" in the subscript is also a character -- that you've created a writer character having false memories and writing this as autofiction. It feels like the voice of Borges or Kundera when they pop into stories.
Thank you, Kate. That is, well, a perhaps scarily accurrate analysis 😉😄
Spoiler, I guess, but I didn't fully know who the writer was with Part 1, nor with Part 2. It was only when doing final edits on Thursday night that I saw before me what the tapestry of the rest of the story is and who the "I" is. That may still change as this evolves, but needless to say it came as an internal surprise and I'm still working my way through it all in my head. (I am very much as pantser, a term that I really dislike. The word sounds yucky to me. I much prefer to think of myself as a gardener, sowing seeds unknown and tending their sprouting vines of story.)
Ohhhhh 🫣🤗always up to some tricks. Cycles of consciousness. Also: Paul Auster, Jane Austen. A short but excellent list of authors doing something like that and yet this is totally unique. Maybe it’s a real memory and you’re tricking your memory into thinking it’s imaginary within a false memory narrative...
Do you have a list of maybe two or three specific books I should add to my mega-tower of unread books?
(Also, I'm not sure if you've gotten there yet, but I'm almost certain the prose of Solenoid is heavily embedded in my mind now. This feels heavily inspired, even though it comes nowhere close to his mastery of winding paragraphs.)
Paul Auster - City of Glass (novella; most of his novels do this, and I read that his new one - which may be his last, welp - does it in a fascinating way)
Borges - Garden of Forking Paths (short story, also the entire book by same name does this, weaving stories together)
Also I guess the film Adaptation does this in a different way. But this is a good, shorter starting point.
Excited to read Solenoid soon! I read the first part about lice and was totally hooked.
*ckecks tower* -- ah yes, City of Glass is already there (possibly from you speaking about it before), but I'm slipping Garden of Forking Paths in there.
Love the shift in the tone of the story with this glimpse of Emmi. Your writing makes me think of 20th century Gothic writing, which is so unusual to come across these days. I love it!
Your writing has such energy, imagery and passion and longing and regret and fear... And it is marvelous that you are on this adventure, led by these two characters? Why can a man not remember the name of a town he spent a year living in? There's a deep foreshadowing there, to me. Who knows!
Your tone is Hemingway, Faulkner, and Fowles. But unique and distinct from any. You are a best selling author just hiding out here on substack and playing with us, I know it!
Hi Mars, thank you for these incredible words. I honestly don't quite know what to say. To be compared to such authors is beyond anything I could hope for! I can assure you that it is only in my dreams that I am a best selling author ;) I long to be able to write full time for a career. Substack has become a small place for me to try to practice the craft, so I feel very grateful I have readers willing to share their feedback and thoughts. Thank you once again. (Hopefully you get a chance to read Parts 1 and 3, if you haven't already done so.)
Of course! I do hope my words are encouraging to continue writing! I can't wait for your first book. Maybe this story thread morphs in to such a thing.
One of my tenants is to always do what you love, which is kin to loving what it is you happen to be doing. Within each moment is the choice, for that and other things. As for me, I choose to eagerly wait for part 4!
That was meant to be a compliment from me, since I like the adventure novels of the early 20th century when writers were describing mysterious countries, lost worlds or tribes, all due to the age of discoveries that had been launched upon the world (with the detrimental effect of imperialism, of course).
For some reason, I'm getting a vibe similar to the early 20th century writers (H. Rider Haggard or Edgar Rice Burroughs, possibly due to the vague description of the venues, no names used for the location (so, a mysterious country, perhaps) and suddenly, at the end we get a name that raises the spookiness to the extreme. Part 3 awaits...
“The quiet husk of dawn”
Those are wonderfully descriptive words, Nathan, which were an intriguing starting point to this latest instalment
I’m, a bit like yourself maybe, not sure where this one is going but it’s almost like a piece of atmosphere rather than story telling if you get what I mean. It’s has the feel that we’re intruding on private lives and private discussions in a strangely uncertain world 🤔
Maybe I’m just talking nonsense and that’s what all fiction is but, I love what I’ve read so far, and think this could end up being something really special 👍🏼🙂
Thank you, Dan.
You're right, it really is an intrusion, that's what it feels like to be writing it. It makes me nervous to be exploring the story and I think that's possibly why.
No nonsense at all, that's totally on-point and something I hadn't been able to work out myself 😄
I feel that way when I draw portraits. It is such an intimate exploration of a person. I guess this is exactly the same, uncovering things as the ink flows... Lovely.
That's so good, Beth. I've often wondered what it must be like to be able to draw. I suppose writing is its own form of drawing.
(Still, how I wish I could draw!)
I think I hear Chloe all the way in London, tittering ...🐦🐥🦅🦆🦢 "My father, through his sheer enthusiasm, had imprinted on me a passing knowledge of avian taxonomy, a useless rattling of Latin species, and I found myself identifying those I could recognise: Columba palumbus, Prunella modularis, T. merula, P. pyrrhula, even Spinus spinus, and beneath a rare and cloudless cerulean sky, I watched their movements with idle fascination."
Hehe, didn't know there were so many emoji birds! 🕊🦚
So many quotable lines but this one reminded me of how it felt to be of a certain age in the company of a certain girl for the first time: “You’re here to collect me,” she stated, digging into her coat pocket, extracting a piece of paper and thrusting it in front of my eyes. Various words were written on it, possibly my name, but it may as well have been blank."
This is so good, Nathan. I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
Thanks for reading, Jim. Appreciate you being here.
Ahh yes, an innocent, simpler time of life 😉
Not sure it was simpler!
😆
Emmi - what a seductress! And this is a gorgeous continuation of the story. Some of my most beloved lines:
"She was the meteor that blazed through the skies of my life before being extinguished by the horror of that year."
"She walked toward me in her pale skin, wrapped in a thick black coat with fur hood thrown back, her eyes of purest jade, a ring looped through her nose, ashen hair that fell to her shoulders, and lips that bore no trace of lipstick, having instead a subtle shift of colour borrowed from her cheeks."
"Right there on the platform, my body collapsing limp and flowing over the edge, to pool across the tracks and await severance from this world."
"The pattern was a layer, an arrangement of molecules offering nothing but the pretext of division between us, one that through the journey to the village, as we had walked side by side along the forest path, I could feel through proximity."
Every word so poetic and delicious!
Thank you, Nadia.
Sometimes I worry that my writing defaults to too poetic, but then I look at the books that I read and love and feel inspired by the writing of those authors ... so, well 🤷♂️
I'm warmed by so many lines here speaking to you.
You're just the right amount of poetic. But as a poet, I want even more poetry. XD
In this small space you've managed to draw such a vivid portrait, Nathan. She is lovely, yes. But who is this narrator-- so tenderhearted and romantic? Who is this man who still remembers the Latin names of birds taught to him when he was a child? I think he is every bit as interesting a character as Emmi. I like his voice.
I love these thoughts, Ann! Thanks for the comment.
Who indeed ...?!
I hope that as this progresses then some of that will come through :)
This is so beautifully written I could cry. There’s too many lines that I want to quote back to you. The image of the animals moving as she breathes, and the roots in her rib cage, ugh, I’m in love with her, too...
🙏
Thank you for reading, Chloe, it's always such a joy and honour to know you come here to read.
I don't even know where this has all come from, but all I can say is that it was emotional to write, going to places where the narrator has been.
Very emotive prose, Nathan. Well done. Also "We talked and talked and she spoke of the land, its presence, why she was here." Don't tell the reader though, way to stoke the mystery fire. I like it. I don't know but my brain jumped to the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo at some point, even though there is no relation other than the tattoos.
The strongest image for me was this: "Opposite me, on the other platform, an old man sat waiting, hands atop each knee, a tattered brown suitcase at his heels like an obedient dog. I wondered at what he was thinking, but gave no moment to consider that it could have been me."
The prose just flows. So well. Sehr gut!
Thank you, Alexander.
I can understand the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo vibes, maybe because of the setting. I'll take it, anyway.
Maybe the reader will be informed of that conversation next time. Maybe ...
Morsel by Morsel! ;)
Elfin by Elfin ... oh, wait, wrong story!
Presently, I shall suspensor you with melange so you don't have to swallow in a dry throat while rueing that mistake! 😂
Hehehe. That reminds me, there's a document to add thoughts to.
Presently!
“She smiled. And I died.” Jesus. I’m all tangled up inside with thrill. Your prose sends me. Back to Part 1 now!
Those brambles will do that 😉
Thank you, Kimberly, it warms my heart if the prose does such.
I adore this. I want to see her skin, look at the creatures inscribed there. Beautiful and promising so much more. Can’t wait to watch this unfold.
Thank you, Shaina 🙏 I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
God, this is truly brilliant writing, Nathan! I wanted it to keep going and going. The world you create with your description and detail is pitch-perfect-- not overwrought and unnecessary but effortless and essential. I feel like these characters deserve something more long-form where they can stretch out. I hope you'll keep going with it.
🙏 Thank you, Ben, I feel honoured that you feel that about the writing and the piece. I felt a deep connection with the world and words when writing and it's a comfort to know that comes across.
I definitely plan to keep going :)
Wow, I thoroughly love the poetic voice of your writing, Nathan. "The quiet husk of dawn"..."the passage of the unseen sun"..."when an icy rain desired the land"; even the elements are falling in love alongside you. Utterly beautiful.
Thank you, Mya. You picked some of my favourite lines 😊
This is so immersive. The description of her back is beautiful!
I have the feeling that the "I" in the subscript is also a character -- that you've created a writer character having false memories and writing this as autofiction. It feels like the voice of Borges or Kundera when they pop into stories.
Keep going! :)
Thank you, Kate. That is, well, a perhaps scarily accurrate analysis 😉😄
Spoiler, I guess, but I didn't fully know who the writer was with Part 1, nor with Part 2. It was only when doing final edits on Thursday night that I saw before me what the tapestry of the rest of the story is and who the "I" is. That may still change as this evolves, but needless to say it came as an internal surprise and I'm still working my way through it all in my head. (I am very much as pantser, a term that I really dislike. The word sounds yucky to me. I much prefer to think of myself as a gardener, sowing seeds unknown and tending their sprouting vines of story.)
Ohhhhh 🫣🤗always up to some tricks. Cycles of consciousness. Also: Paul Auster, Jane Austen. A short but excellent list of authors doing something like that and yet this is totally unique. Maybe it’s a real memory and you’re tricking your memory into thinking it’s imaginary within a false memory narrative...
Excited to see what it becomes!
😄🤗 Who can say?
Do you have a list of maybe two or three specific books I should add to my mega-tower of unread books?
(Also, I'm not sure if you've gotten there yet, but I'm almost certain the prose of Solenoid is heavily embedded in my mind now. This feels heavily inspired, even though it comes nowhere close to his mastery of winding paragraphs.)
Paul Auster - City of Glass (novella; most of his novels do this, and I read that his new one - which may be his last, welp - does it in a fascinating way)
Borges - Garden of Forking Paths (short story, also the entire book by same name does this, weaving stories together)
Also I guess the film Adaptation does this in a different way. But this is a good, shorter starting point.
Excited to read Solenoid soon! I read the first part about lice and was totally hooked.
Thanks, Kate.
*ckecks tower* -- ah yes, City of Glass is already there (possibly from you speaking about it before), but I'm slipping Garden of Forking Paths in there.
🙏
Also - doing a bit of different work now - forgot that a really good one for this from Borges is Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius 😁
Awesome, thanks. Adding to 📚📚
Love the shift in the tone of the story with this glimpse of Emmi. Your writing makes me think of 20th century Gothic writing, which is so unusual to come across these days. I love it!
Thanks Stephanie, that's great to hear! Thank you for taking the time to jump back and read from the start.
Your writing has such energy, imagery and passion and longing and regret and fear... And it is marvelous that you are on this adventure, led by these two characters? Why can a man not remember the name of a town he spent a year living in? There's a deep foreshadowing there, to me. Who knows!
Your tone is Hemingway, Faulkner, and Fowles. But unique and distinct from any. You are a best selling author just hiding out here on substack and playing with us, I know it!
Thank you for sharing your gift.
Hi Mars, thank you for these incredible words. I honestly don't quite know what to say. To be compared to such authors is beyond anything I could hope for! I can assure you that it is only in my dreams that I am a best selling author ;) I long to be able to write full time for a career. Substack has become a small place for me to try to practice the craft, so I feel very grateful I have readers willing to share their feedback and thoughts. Thank you once again. (Hopefully you get a chance to read Parts 1 and 3, if you haven't already done so.)
Of course! I do hope my words are encouraging to continue writing! I can't wait for your first book. Maybe this story thread morphs in to such a thing.
One of my tenants is to always do what you love, which is kin to loving what it is you happen to be doing. Within each moment is the choice, for that and other things. As for me, I choose to eagerly wait for part 4!
That was meant to be a compliment from me, since I like the adventure novels of the early 20th century when writers were describing mysterious countries, lost worlds or tribes, all due to the age of discoveries that had been launched upon the world (with the detrimental effect of imperialism, of course).
For some reason, I'm getting a vibe similar to the early 20th century writers (H. Rider Haggard or Edgar Rice Burroughs, possibly due to the vague description of the venues, no names used for the location (so, a mysterious country, perhaps) and suddenly, at the end we get a name that raises the spookiness to the extreme. Part 3 awaits...
I'm quite ok with that (hopefully it's a compliment 😉), although I must admit I haven't read either of those, to my detriment.
But, there's various authors I have read this year (Nabokov, Cărtărescu ...) that I'm certain have had an influence.