OH.MY.GOD. You did not!!!!! A love expressed so purely, divinity itself in its delivery, and then turns inside out and destroys... this has the makings of a great Jordan Peele film. I want to read The Sernox from the beginning again, all in one sitting, and feel the entire, soaring and then crashing arc.
Pulling out all the stops here, Nathan. "In the weeks before my demise..." hold on a minute, what a clever way to begin the ending. Bleak, dark, relentless. As it must be. In a word: Fascinating.
Thank you! Bleak was certainly the aim, especially after moments of seeming tenderness and love.
I hope, that in its closing, there is revelation mixed with ambiguity. Perhaps it works. Perhaps it doesn't. I will return to it and try to do a retrospective in coming weeks.
“the journey of my unkempt soul nourished on nothing but the rotten fruit of hurt. I bled inside.”
Sometimes a sentence can conjure up such darkness, you wonder if you should read on, and, sure enough, like earlier in the story when we felt we were imposing on two lovers most private moments, here, to our horror, we are left in the company of a monster, only to discover he’s been in plain sight all along
Magnificently written, Nathan. As I’ve mentioned before, this is my favourite story of yours and, believe me, that takes some doing!
I’ll look forward to your retrospective and hope you can appreciate, as I’m sure all your readers do, what a unique and challenging tale this has been 👍🏼
Well first, I’m not sure how I missed the last part of this tale - I blame an impossible to manage inbox. But my goodness, what an ending. I want to go back and read it all again. The arc was incredible. This line in particular was piercing:
“These words—inscribed and jumbled in time and meaning—are apt to wander to my most default of states: that of lies, of signals misread, of entire conversations whose vestiges remain nothing but the broken wings of memory.”
Aw, wow Stephanie, this comment has made my day. Thank you so much. And don't worry, I blame my own inbox for missing many things. It easily gets out of hand.
This was a majestic finale that I somehow sensed at the beginning of part 6. I am left with the vividness of your brush strokes in painting minutiae, specs of time, details, gusts of wind. Your character construction is masterful: Emmi is at the same time a mythological figure, a divinity, and the incarnation of mystery and lust. Her beauty transpires all over; her skin is an entire lost world to chart. Yes, it gets dark as one proceeds forward, but it's a delight to lose oneself in this enchantment. It really was a treat to read, and I will return to it and re-read everything from the beginning in one sitting. This is a masterclass in painting through words, as well as conscience decoding. I'm learning a lot from you, Nathan. Thank you!
Thanks so much, Silvio. There were little crumbs here and there, which were obscure but became evident to me as I wrote and re-read what I had just written. I think that is what excites me so much about writing. Discovering things as they emerge on the page.
I am truly honoured to hear your thoughts on this piece. Thank you!
I think I will be learning just as much from your own writing ;)
"Discovering things as they emerge on the page." -- how true is that. And how often does it magically happen. I'm sure, by the same token, upon re-reading new things will emerge too. Again, this was truly magnificent, Nathan.
Thanks so much. I've been somewhat worried the descent from love to madness/menace was too much, perhaps too unbelievable, perhaps too incoherent and confusing. But I will judge that later when I come back around to re-edit the whole thing.
I don’t think it’s too much! But I’m biased towards a good twist-ending that makes me want to go back and read it all again—to look for those nuanced details I must have missed. It’s been a joy to read along and watch you shape this storyline. Thank you for opening up your workshop and inviting your readers in. That courage is rare and so helpful to other creators.
Thanks, Ann. It's been a ride, for sure. There are some little hints to the ending sprinkled throughout, though they are subtle. I'm quite fascinated by the premise of an unreliable narrator. Anyway, I will do a bit of a retrospective on this piece and the whole process in a few weeks.
I saved this as long as I could as a) I knew it was ending and b) I knew the ending was going to be tough. I was frustrated after I happened to see something that could be described as spoiler on Notes (am still considering taking legal action against Ms. Warner) but luckily I was still left AGHAST at this ending.
I need to go back and read this from the beginning, from my now permanently upside down view of the world. What a trip this has been. A wonderful, confusing, beautiful and dreamlike trip. "...false memories that swim toxic along hillock and synapse, along distensions that know nothing but a gradient of ions, a flux of charge, a labyrinthine array that, in the totality of miracle, give rise to the tortures of love and lust and loss." I mean...you spoil us. I hope you've got some more stories in you once this, once she, has settled.
I've just binge-read the whole story. I'm still not sure I understand it all, but what I've really enjoyed is allowing your words to wash over me. I don't know if this a criterion of success, but each time I read one of your stories I want to write about a girl called Spikey who I knew many years ago -- except that it wouldn't be fiction. I can't write like you, and nor would I wish to, but I very much enjoy reading your work.
Have you considered collating these chapters into an ebook, an Amazon short read perhaps?
Thanks Terry, that's very kind. I have been reading another book where the words wash over me even though I'm not 100% sure what it all means, and I'm sure that has been a huge influence.
My plan is to let it breathe, do a bit of a reflection post about it here, and then consider editing it into a single ebook.
Ah, too many thoughts to write them all!! But I will try for one - I do love the way the perspective we are given has morphed across the story, slowly and then faster, so that by the end our Emmi (once so strange and powerful) is all too small and human and breakable. You've done such a fun job of exploring this unsettling interest-obsession-idolisation-possession-destruction pipeline, Nathan - loved every word!
Thanks Allie. Thanks so much for reading every word. I love your description! interest-obsession-idolisation-possession-destruction pipeline. That's a great tag.
Well, you did it, my friend. You managed to thread the needle and create a perfect ending to this dreamy, mysterious, and near-hallucinogenic tale you began on an intuitive whim. Every chapter of this packs a dense amount of sensory information that renders the world so perfectly in the reader's mind. Congratulations! Now go and write another one. Please.
You did it! You completed the loop. I went back to the beginning again to consider the impact of the “monster” at the end. It certainly works. It amplifies the start, and then I’m turn the start amplified the ending.
Metafiction, memory, dreams, metaphysics…it’s all there and they add paradoxically layers of meaning and ambiguity (a la Borges). I like the way this becomes more of an exploration of the mind than the narrative of love and death (although they are collapsed into that mind). Lovely work, Nathan. You give us lots to think about!
I think the first entry will need some tweaking, to make the prose more in line with the rest. Or perhaps the other way around. Maybe it is too verbose/florid in place, or maybe I was just enjoying Labyrinths and Solenoids too much that I got swept away by their prose!
Good idea to revisit it later. I enjoy it as is but no doubt you’ll have some ideas through the evolution of writing it! 🙃 is this the first fiction you’ve finished or just on Substack? Exciting.
I did write a short story some years ago, as a first foray into writing. I have been toying with returning to it and putting it up on here. It'd likely span three or four posts, I think.
OH.MY.GOD. You did not!!!!! A love expressed so purely, divinity itself in its delivery, and then turns inside out and destroys... this has the makings of a great Jordan Peele film. I want to read The Sernox from the beginning again, all in one sitting, and feel the entire, soaring and then crashing arc.
Yes! I could totally see Jordan Peele turning this into a film.
Thank you Kimberly. I'm sorry, but also not sorry because this is the reaction I was aiming for ;)
Thanks for making it all the way through. You're the best.
Pulling out all the stops here, Nathan. "In the weeks before my demise..." hold on a minute, what a clever way to begin the ending. Bleak, dark, relentless. As it must be. In a word: Fascinating.
Thank you! Bleak was certainly the aim, especially after moments of seeming tenderness and love.
I hope, that in its closing, there is revelation mixed with ambiguity. Perhaps it works. Perhaps it doesn't. I will return to it and try to do a retrospective in coming weeks.
It works for me, having read the parts in close proximity helps. Looking forward to your retrospective Sernox!
No!!! I had the same reaction as Kimberly. No you didn’t, but you did. And you did it well. What an arc.
Unfortunately, I did 😆
Thank you for reading all the way through the arc. That means so much.
“the journey of my unkempt soul nourished on nothing but the rotten fruit of hurt. I bled inside.”
Sometimes a sentence can conjure up such darkness, you wonder if you should read on, and, sure enough, like earlier in the story when we felt we were imposing on two lovers most private moments, here, to our horror, we are left in the company of a monster, only to discover he’s been in plain sight all along
Magnificently written, Nathan. As I’ve mentioned before, this is my favourite story of yours and, believe me, that takes some doing!
I’ll look forward to your retrospective and hope you can appreciate, as I’m sure all your readers do, what a unique and challenging tale this has been 👍🏼
Thanks so much, Dan. Your comments and thoughts and enthusiasm have been so amazing to have through all of this.
An object of desire cannot be loved, only possessed.
Well first, I’m not sure how I missed the last part of this tale - I blame an impossible to manage inbox. But my goodness, what an ending. I want to go back and read it all again. The arc was incredible. This line in particular was piercing:
“These words—inscribed and jumbled in time and meaning—are apt to wander to my most default of states: that of lies, of signals misread, of entire conversations whose vestiges remain nothing but the broken wings of memory.”
Well done!
Aw, wow Stephanie, this comment has made my day. Thank you so much. And don't worry, I blame my own inbox for missing many things. It easily gets out of hand.
This was a majestic finale that I somehow sensed at the beginning of part 6. I am left with the vividness of your brush strokes in painting minutiae, specs of time, details, gusts of wind. Your character construction is masterful: Emmi is at the same time a mythological figure, a divinity, and the incarnation of mystery and lust. Her beauty transpires all over; her skin is an entire lost world to chart. Yes, it gets dark as one proceeds forward, but it's a delight to lose oneself in this enchantment. It really was a treat to read, and I will return to it and re-read everything from the beginning in one sitting. This is a masterclass in painting through words, as well as conscience decoding. I'm learning a lot from you, Nathan. Thank you!
Thanks so much, Silvio. There were little crumbs here and there, which were obscure but became evident to me as I wrote and re-read what I had just written. I think that is what excites me so much about writing. Discovering things as they emerge on the page.
I am truly honoured to hear your thoughts on this piece. Thank you!
I think I will be learning just as much from your own writing ;)
"Discovering things as they emerge on the page." -- how true is that. And how often does it magically happen. I'm sure, by the same token, upon re-reading new things will emerge too. Again, this was truly magnificent, Nathan.
I never saw it coming, Nathan. Masterfully done. I’m going to sleep with the lights on tonight.
Hi Ann,
Thanks so much. I've been somewhat worried the descent from love to madness/menace was too much, perhaps too unbelievable, perhaps too incoherent and confusing. But I will judge that later when I come back around to re-edit the whole thing.
I so appreciate you being here for the journey!
I don’t think it’s too much! But I’m biased towards a good twist-ending that makes me want to go back and read it all again—to look for those nuanced details I must have missed. It’s been a joy to read along and watch you shape this storyline. Thank you for opening up your workshop and inviting your readers in. That courage is rare and so helpful to other creators.
Thanks, Ann. It's been a ride, for sure. There are some little hints to the ending sprinkled throughout, though they are subtle. I'm quite fascinated by the premise of an unreliable narrator. Anyway, I will do a bit of a retrospective on this piece and the whole process in a few weeks.
Thanks again x
Congrats on getting through the first draft! Hope you one day get it into a place ready to publish
…purely selfish on my part of course, being that you have to do all the work so I can relax and read.
Thanks Brian! I hope so too.
I saved this as long as I could as a) I knew it was ending and b) I knew the ending was going to be tough. I was frustrated after I happened to see something that could be described as spoiler on Notes (am still considering taking legal action against Ms. Warner) but luckily I was still left AGHAST at this ending.
I need to go back and read this from the beginning, from my now permanently upside down view of the world. What a trip this has been. A wonderful, confusing, beautiful and dreamlike trip. "...false memories that swim toxic along hillock and synapse, along distensions that know nothing but a gradient of ions, a flux of charge, a labyrinthine array that, in the totality of miracle, give rise to the tortures of love and lust and loss." I mean...you spoil us. I hope you've got some more stories in you once this, once she, has settled.
Thanks so much Chloe. Apologies for the spoiler that crept through to Notes!
Many words and stories remain, though perhaps less confusing and darker ones, but we shall see ;)
Totally unexpected. Shudder. Well done. I’ll definitely have to reread the lot when I get a chance. Thanks so much. 🤗🤗
Thanks, Beth. Thanks so much for reading.
I think I'll actually benefit from giving it a full reread, haha.
I've just binge-read the whole story. I'm still not sure I understand it all, but what I've really enjoyed is allowing your words to wash over me. I don't know if this a criterion of success, but each time I read one of your stories I want to write about a girl called Spikey who I knew many years ago -- except that it wouldn't be fiction. I can't write like you, and nor would I wish to, but I very much enjoy reading your work.
Have you considered collating these chapters into an ebook, an Amazon short read perhaps?
Thanks Terry, that's very kind. I have been reading another book where the words wash over me even though I'm not 100% sure what it all means, and I'm sure that has been a huge influence.
My plan is to let it breathe, do a bit of a reflection post about it here, and then consider editing it into a single ebook.
You should write about this Spikey!
Ah, too many thoughts to write them all!! But I will try for one - I do love the way the perspective we are given has morphed across the story, slowly and then faster, so that by the end our Emmi (once so strange and powerful) is all too small and human and breakable. You've done such a fun job of exploring this unsettling interest-obsession-idolisation-possession-destruction pipeline, Nathan - loved every word!
Thanks Allie. Thanks so much for reading every word. I love your description! interest-obsession-idolisation-possession-destruction pipeline. That's a great tag.
Well, you did it, my friend. You managed to thread the needle and create a perfect ending to this dreamy, mysterious, and near-hallucinogenic tale you began on an intuitive whim. Every chapter of this packs a dense amount of sensory information that renders the world so perfectly in the reader's mind. Congratulations! Now go and write another one. Please.
Thanks so much, Ben! And thanks for the restack. If you feel the needle was threaded, then phew! :D
You did it! You completed the loop. I went back to the beginning again to consider the impact of the “monster” at the end. It certainly works. It amplifies the start, and then I’m turn the start amplified the ending.
Metafiction, memory, dreams, metaphysics…it’s all there and they add paradoxically layers of meaning and ambiguity (a la Borges). I like the way this becomes more of an exploration of the mind than the narrative of love and death (although they are collapsed into that mind). Lovely work, Nathan. You give us lots to think about!
Thanks, Kate! So appreciate you reading.
I think the first entry will need some tweaking, to make the prose more in line with the rest. Or perhaps the other way around. Maybe it is too verbose/florid in place, or maybe I was just enjoying Labyrinths and Solenoids too much that I got swept away by their prose!
Good idea to revisit it later. I enjoy it as is but no doubt you’ll have some ideas through the evolution of writing it! 🙃 is this the first fiction you’ve finished or just on Substack? Exciting.
Essentially the first, yes.
I did write a short story some years ago, as a first foray into writing. I have been toying with returning to it and putting it up on here. It'd likely span three or four posts, I think.
Nice idea.
🤯 Whoa! Did not see that coming... Freaky deaky! 😃
Hehe, pleased to hear it wasn't obvious in its arrival, though I hope there are a few crumbs sprinkled earlier on at times.